If Fire Was A Lover

February 15th, 2021

I laid in a lavender field. My purple dress was floating in the air, dancing with the wind. I closed my eyes gently and felt angels kiss my eyelids each time I blinked. I had never been more at peace. The sky was pink, and the air smelled like flowers and honey. Butterflies swarmed around me. One landed on my nose. I studied its wings, how beautiful and majestic they were. The butterfly whispered, "I love you," and I laughed. I stood and danced in the field, I spun around in circles and felt the sun hugging my skin. Deer and rabbits came to the field and ran in circles around me, and we all became one, appreciating Mother Nature and the beauty of life and all that it had to offer.

Then the sky became purple, royal purple. And the lavender plants around my feet wrapped themselves around my ankles and I fell to the ground. The animals left and the butterflies bid farewell as they watched me fall down. Everything became purple, it was all I could see. I closed my eyes as hard as I could and when I opened them, I was standing in his room. The purple walls surrounded me, and he stood in front of me. I ran from him, my gown getting caught on this and that, and I tore it off. I ran down his stairs in nothing but scraps of the dress. I sprinted out of his house and found myself in a snow storm on Josephine street. I could hear his footsteps right behind me, I kept running. My feet were numb from the snow but I didn't care. I had to get away from him, I had to get back to the sun.

"Elizabeth, stop running from me!" He yelled from behind me.

I didn't look back, I just forced my legs to keep moving. I crossed the railroad tracks and passed through the main part of town. I ran all the way down to the waterfall. I stood on the cliff and stared into the water.

"Elizabeth!" Logan screamed. I turned to face him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so very sorry." And I leapt from the cliff. I felt the water hit me like a punch, and I let myself sink down into it.

I opened my eyes and examined the rocks and the algae, the last things to see before I took my last breath, before I was finally free of him. But then the water was not so clear, there were bubbles all around me, and then there was him. He grabbed me and pulled me to the surface. I fought him but he hit me hard in the head and I stopped. He laid me on a rock and climbed on top of me. Cold water dripped from his curly hair and hit my face.

"You can't leave me, you won't. Even in death you won't be free from me. You know that, my love," he said. He kissed me gently and traced my collarbones with his fingers.

"I know." I whispered back. He laid beside me and stared into the dark sky. I looked to my side and saw a dagger. I slowly took it into my hands so that he would not notice, and I quickly shoved it into my stomach and ripped it back out.

"Elizabeth!" He screamed. "What were you thinking?" He punched the rock next to me until his hands bled. "You will have my blood, I will have yours." He said. He ran his hands through my hair until it was red and soaked in his blood. He then wiped his hand over the wound on my stomach and licked it from his hands.

"No, please no, Logan, stop!" I screamed.

"You can't leave me!" He screamed back.

"Logan let me go! Please let me go!" I wailed.

"I can't," he said to me. "You know that, darling."

I cried as he made love to me, both of us a bloody mess of humans.

Suddenly I sat up in my bed, hyperventilating and shaking. I ran to my bathroom and vomited for half an hour. I puked until my stomach hurt and my throat was sore. Tears had soaked my face and the collar of my shirt. When I was done puking I sat for a moment on the tile floor. I stared blankly at the toilet trying to get ahold of reality and assure myself that my dream was just a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. That is until I stood up and saw myself in the mirror. My hair was in two braids, and they were stained red. I got closer to the mirror and I was blonde again, but I wasn't so sure that it was all a dream. I cried silently and took scissors out of the top drawer. I cut both braids, unevenly and ugly but I didn't care. I just needed to cut off the hair that he touched.

I had been growing my hair out for years, it was almost down to my bum. Not anymore, though. It was cut just below my ears, choppy and messy, but I kind of liked it. I stared into the mirror for a while and tried to convince myself that I looked like a different person with that haircut. It was 3 in the morning but I decided to do my makeup. I applied a thick layer of eyeliner to both eyes and false eyelashes. I smeared red lipstick over my chapped lips and pretended to be another girl. I pretended that I was a model in New York, relaxing in my all white apartment after a night out with my girl friends. I laughed in front of the mirror like someone told me a joke. Then I remembered that I was not that woman in New York, I was me. And I was all alone. Nobody was telling me a joke, in fact I was the joke.

I messaged Blake. "I'm sitting in my sink again." I told him.

"I'm sorry. Try to sleep, sweet girl. Call me if you need me," was his reply.

I wiped the makeup off of my face and laid back down in my bed. I stared so long at the ceiling that I saw shapes, and they sang me to sleep. I dreamt that I died, and I didn't stir in my sleep. I was calm.