If Fire Was A Lover

December 28th, 2022

The school gymnasium was eerily quiet. Everyone had kind of frozen in time. Lauren was standing next to me holding a basketball and Brody came into the gym.

"I know all about you and Logan," he said. He smiled at me. I felt sick.

"You don't know anything!" I screamed at him and hit him. "You know nothing!"

"Oh yeah? I know he hit you, he hated you!" Brody yelled at me.

"No he didn't, no! He loved me, he loved me, he loved me, he loved me! I hate you!" I screamed and hit him again. I pushed past him and ran out of the gym only to collapse in the hallway. I was choking and gasping fir air, spazzing out on the ground. I grabbed at my throat trying to remove hands that I couldn't see but I felt them strangling me.

"Liz!" Lauren came to my side and knelt. "Liz, wake up! Wake up!" She cried. She looked down at me with tears in her eyes. "It's just a dream," she whispered.

She disappeared, and in her place was Logan. He looked at me with a disgusting grin. I started to puke up semen, it was shooting out of my mouth and I couldn't breathe. I was screaming in between sobs, trying to catch my breath. There was white goop everywhere, all over my body. It began to fill the whole school.

"Lizzy, wake up! You have to wake up!" Lauren's voice was in my head.

I sat up straight in my bed and screamed, followed by short breaths. "No, no, no no, no!" I cried.

"You're okay, you're okay, it's okay," Lauren held me tightly and rubbed my back.

"He was right there!" I sobbed. I could hardly breathe, I was still hyperventilating.

"He wasn't though, he's not here. I am." Lauren said calmly and kissed my forehead.

My breathing slowed down to a normal pace and I layed down and fell back asleep.

Lauren woke up before I did, and when I opened my eyes she had made me a big cup of coffee.

"Hey, good morning" she said quietly.

"I'm sorry about last night," I started.

"Don't apologize, it's okay,. It happens." She said to me.

"How long were you trying to wake up up?" I asked her.

"Just a few minutes. You were shaking the whole bed and you kept saying no." She said.

"That sounds about right," I said.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" She asked me.

"It was just Logan. And I was vomiting his semen everywhere. There was a pool of it around me." I whispered as a tear dropped down my face.

"Oh my god," she said. "I'm really sorry. I love you so much," she told me.

"I love you too. Thanks for the coffee," I said and grabbed the mug.

"Of course." She smiled at me.

I took a small sip of the coffee, letting it sit in my mouth for a moment before I swallowed it. I swear I could still taste my dream on my tongue.

"Have you had that dream before?" Lauren asked me.

"No, it's a new one." I told her.

"I have to head home, will you be okay?" She asked me.

I nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said and left.

I gulped down the rest of my coffee and went to brush my teeth. I brushed them for almost ten minutes. My gums had started to bleed but I didn't care. I couldn't escape my nightmare. I had to get him out of my mouth. Next I took a hot shower. The entire bathroom filled with steam and I could hardly see in front of me. The steam encased in my lungs, and I closed my eyes for a second. I sat on the cool tile floor and let my naked body just exist.

Moments like this made me feel normal. When I could just sit in peace and be alone with my thoughts, when my thoughts weren't completely consumed by him and I could actually focus on my breath. I was just a girl in the world, a world that only made up a fraction of a solar system, which made up a fraction of the universe, I was so incredibly small. And I was free, and it made me happy. I survived through something that a lot of women didn't. I got out, I lived. I knew there was a reason for that. I was to make something great of myself, no matter how long it took, I'd make something wonderful of myself.

I sat down at my desk and began to write a story. A happy, forbidden, love story. It was magical, whimsical, romantic, and adventurous. I had a good feeling about it, I knew that writing was what I was meant to do with my life. I wrote a story of a girl and a boy who was suicidal, and she changed his fate. She didn't find him so agreeable at first, but he grew on her. She fell in love with him. He protected her from every flame in their burning world, and she tried everything to save him from his fate. Whether or not she succeeded I must not tell you, I wouldn't want to spoil the ending.