Tabula Rasa

Chapter 10

"Miss? Miss!"

Calina jerked out of her daze and turned to the customer across the counter. "I'm sorry. What can I get you?"

Calina rang up the drinks order then passed it along to her colleague to be prepared.

It was her fourth day working at The Hideout.

There were only so many hours of the day that could be filled with clothes shopping and library trips, so she'd decided to try her hand at a regular job. She'd seen the vacancy notice at her favourite coffee place, and thought it a sign from the fates.

It had seemed perfect.

But in reality...it kind of sucked.

The acrid bitterness of the coffee grinds seemed to permeate her skin, until she could smell it on all her clothes and bedding at home. The structure of her shifts - the time she had to start, how long she could take a break, when she could leave at the end of the day - felt too reminiscent of the rigid training schedule of the Red Room.

But most of all, the boring monotony was excruciating. It gave her far too much time to think.

And her thoughts weren't great these days.

Because Matthew was ignoring her.

Well, not overtly. He was polite when they ran into each other on the street, or in the hallway between their apartments. He would smile and say hello. Sometimes ask her how she was...but it was all in the indifferent manner of a distant acquaintance.

When she'd thought they were becoming friends.

Had she imagined the warmth of their past conversations? In her desire to form a connection with someone outside of the Red Room, had she concocted something from nothing? Had her attraction to him blinded her to his disinterest?

Or had she done something wrong? Something to make him step back from her?

Depressing questions.

Which led to depressing thoughts.

Which her new job gave her far too much time to dwell on.

She was going to have to quit. Just like she'd quit the Widows.

Was that who she was beneath all her conditioning? Nothing but a quitter?

Another depressing question...

Calina sighed as she wiped down the counter. She glanced at the clock over the fireplace and nearly groaned.

Still four more hours to go.

———

A cool evening breeze greeted Calina as she exited The Hideout after her last ever shift. Her supervisor had been mildly annoyed, but ultimately uncaring, at the news she was quitting. Calina had spent the whole of the afternoon preparing a speech with a bulletpoint list of justifications for why she wasn't the right fit for the job, but Hal - the manager - hadn't let her get past the first few sentences.

"Whatever," he'd said, barely looking up from his laptop screen. "Leave your badge on the counter. We'll deposit your paycheque in the bank by the end of the week."

Calina had expected more of a fight. Maybe a rebuke for giving up so soon after starting. Or anger at leaving them short-staffed. She was used to being punished when she failed at something - it felt wrong to be let off the hook so easily.

She wrapped her jacket more tightly around her as she stepped onto the pavement and joined the throngs of people scurrying home. Her footsteps echoed theirs as she walked the path back to her apartment. To an outsider, she probably looked like one of them, but she felt so removed.