Tabula Rasa

Chapter 26

"We found something. More accurately, we found someone."

The call from Yelena interrupted Calina's research session. It was Wednesday afternoon, and she was sat at the dining room table listening to the patter of rain against the window while she investigated pheromones and Governors.

She was multi-tasking on two separate mysteries at once: Who was making the fear pheromones that Matt was chasing all over the city? And why had someone tried to make her assassinate the Governor of New York state?

Unfortunately, she wasn't getting far on either front. So Yelena's call was less an interruption and more of a welcome distraction.

"Who did you find?" Calina asked.

"Katya's handler. The one that was still giving her orders after Dreykov died. His name is Maxim Volkov and we've tracked him to a house outside Washington D.C. It seems to be his main residence in the States. Do you want in?"

"In?"

"Yeah, in on the mission. We have the extraction planned for tomorrow night, then we'll start his interrogation the next day. Our intel suggests that he has something to do with what happened to you, so we thought you might want to be part of it."

She did.

And she didn't.

The part of her that was angry - the part that never quite went away no matter how many punching bags she hit - wanted revenge. It wanted to face the man or the men responsible for what happened to her, get answers...and make them pay.

But she didn't want to indulge that side of herself.

It was the darkness buried within her - the darkness she'd alluded to with Matt the other night. The wicked, rage-filled blight on her soul.

Matt had found a way to live with his darkness. To harness it in the fight for good. But she wasn't so sure she could do the same. Her darkness was cultivated from decades of abuse at the hands of the Red Room. It was formed of years of pain and loathing and fury - for everything that had been done to her and her sisters. And everything they'd been forced to do against their will.

It was a relatively small part of her, but it had a gravity that belied its size. Like a black hole, always threatening to consume her.

She'd given into it once, when they'd first been freed from the serum. And she'd swore never to do so again. Instead, she'd buried it deep and vowed to move on. To build a life of hope and joy, instead of anger and shame.

She wanted to concentrate on that new life.

But it was hard to explain that to Yelena without sounding judgemental. Without sounding like she was criticising the choices the other Widows had made. So she didn't even try. All she said was, "I'll think about it."

The next phone call came an hour later.

"Hey, what are you up to?" Matt asked.

This was the third day in a row that he'd called her from work. He usually had an excuse - asking what she wanted him to pick up for dinner, reminding her to take the garbage out - but then he would linger on the call, and the two of them would chat for a while.

About everything and nothing.

She told herself not to read too much into it. That he was just bored at work, or needed a distraction from a difficult case. But she couldn't help but wonder if he...missed her? That maybe the hours between saying goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening were too long for him?

Just like they were for her.

"I'm doing some research," she answered. "I'm trying to work out why someone would want Governor Benson dead. I thought if I could figure that out, I might be able to figure out who gave me the order to kill him."