Making Waves | lo'ak sully

chapter 46: at rest

She'd tried everything to get Lo'ak to eat. He wouldn't budge. 'Why aren't you just taking a few bites? You have to eat!' Ngalu yelled at him, trying to shove the food in his mouth as he turned away. 'You haven't eaten in days, Lo'ak. Eat. Now.' She pointed at the bowl, sitting back again and watching him sharply.

'You're not my mother.' Lo'ak said, not looking at her.

'Then why are you making me act like it?' She hissed back, getting visually frustrated.

'Just stop, I'm not hungry.'

'Okay, then starve. Forget I asked.' She stood up, smashing the bowl of food down and almost walking away.

'Wait.' Lo'ak stopped her. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.'

Ngalu nodded, pursing her lips together as she turned back around and walked over to her mat. As she finally got around the corner, she let the tears out she so desperately tried to keep in. Why does this have to be so hard? They were all on edge. Yesterday Ngalu heard Jake and Neytiri fight. They were yelling at each other before crying and wrapping their arms around each other.

Ngalu walked out of the pod, jumping on her Ilu and swimming over to Neteyam's grave. Tears escaped her eyes as she wiped them off, focusing back on swimming. She could swim to his grave with her eyes closed. She knew the way by the back of her hand.

As she got there, she dismounted her Ilu and sat on the sand. The waves slightly crashing into her. 'Surprise, I'm back.' She said, looking down. 'I know I promised to take care of Lo'ak and I'm trying my best. He's not listening to anything I say. It's like he's blocking everything out. He's ignoring his pain.' She sighed, blinking away a couple of tears. 'Everybody else seems to be dealing with it alright. I mean, we're all hurting but we are coping. At least around daytime we are. You're probably asking how I'm handling this.' She softly chuckled to herself. 'I'm not sure. I've never really had to deal with anything like this before.' Her eyes sank a little while her ears drooped. 'We all miss you, but I've already said that about a million times.' She got choked up for a second. 'I just wish you were here. It's not the same without you.'

She quietly sobbed into her hands as she heard the snapping of a twig behind her. She jolted her head around to find Lo'ak standing in behind her. She wiped her tears quickly, not wanting him to see how much she hurt. 'Lo'ak?' She stood up.

This was the first time he'd actually looked into her eyes. He looked devastated. He didn't realize how much she hurt. She was trying to stay strong for him. He shook his head. 'Fuck. It's all my fault.'

Ngalu frowned, walking up to him. 'What?' She asked him, truly not knowing what he meant.

'It's nothing.' He said, afraid she would judge him.

Ngalu shook her head. 'No it isn't. Tell me.' She tried to grab his hands.

'You don't understand, Ngalu.' He said, pulling his hands away from hers.

'Then make me understand.' Tears escaped her eyes as she reached over to Lo'ak's face.

He closed his eyes, pushing her arm away. 'It is my fault! It's my fault he is dead!' He cried.

Ngalu's eyes sank. 'No it isn't, Lo'ak.'

'Yes it is.'

'Lo'ak would you stop. There was no way you could've prevented this!' Ngalu got frustrated. She didn't like that he put the blame on himself. Was this what he'd been thinking this whole time? He thought it was his fault. He's been blaming himself. She repeated the sentence in her head. How did she not realize? This must've killed him.

'If I never suggested to save Spider, he would have still been here. He would've probably stood right next to you right now!' Lo'ak yelled back at her.

And there they were, right back where they started. Yelling at each other until someone leaves.

Except, no one left this time.

Ngalu wrapped her arms around him, holding the back of his head. 'Lo'ak, please. It's okay to show your emotions. Don't bottle it up. I can see how much this hurts you.'

He let her hold onto him. Her words hit him hard. She was right.

Before Ngalu knew it, she heard him sob into her neck. She was happy to hear him cry, finally letting it out. Tears were forming in her eyes as well. 'Fuck, I thought I lost you too.' He said, nuzzling more into her neck.

'I'm right here.' She massaged the back of his head slightly. When he pulled away, she wiped his tears with her thumb as both of her hands were placed on his cheeks. 'I'll never leave you again. I promise.'

He relaxed his eyebrows, looking down at the girl in front of him. 'And I will never leave you.'

A slight smile formed on Ngalu's face. 'Don't worry about Neteyam, he's fine.' Lo'ak nodded, agreeing with her. 'Did you visit him already or is this your first time?' She asked him.

'Its my first time.' He said gently, looking over at the glowing bed of anemones in the deep end of the water.

'Let's sit down for a while, alright?' Ngalu asked him. He nodded as they both sat next to each other in the shallow end, staring in front of them. They didn't really say anything, they just watched the movement of the water.

Lo'ak probably had billions of thoughts. Ngalu had already spoken to Neteyam about hers. Even though it was a little one-sided, she still enjoyed talking to him. Even if he possibly didn't hear her. It was nice, getting all of that stuff off her chest.

Ngalu faced Lo'ak as he looked at her. She smiled slightly, showing she was okay. She was hoping he'd return her smile but she could tell he was hesitant.

'Our mighty warrior is at rest now.'