chapter 47: grief

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Lo'ak had been more talkative than usual. He'd come in for breakfast as well now. Kiri seemed more cheerful, playing around in the water with Spider. Tuk still felt a little lonely without her big brother here but Lo'ak filled that role perfectly. He'd only been spending time with her. Kiri was next, he thought.

He used to be by himself, he preferred it. But now that Neteyam is gone, he can't imagine one of his other siblings dying before he spent all the time he had with them. He was crazy overprotective, telling Kiri to come home right before eclipse every time she went out. He didn't let Tuk go anywhere without a chaperone. Most of the time that chaperone would be him.

He didn't, however, spend a lot of time with Ngalu. He knew she was there, watching him from a distance. But he was afraid he'd lose one of his sisters too. So he focused on them a lot lately. He'd also spent a lot more time with his parents, seeing as they also were very close to death that day.

Jake and Neytiri were surprised. He was slowly turning into a smaller version of Neteyam without him even knowing it.

If you told him that, he would tell you off immediately. He would take anything but pride in being like his older brother. He viewed Neteyam as the golden child, the one who could do no harm. He would never want to be like him. He had his own personality as the troublemaker. Not that he was proud of that.

Still, there was a void in their family. One that used to be filled with happiness and a smile that would make you swoon.

Ngalu kept her distance, not wanting to burden them with her presence while they were trying to mourn.

She also saw that Lo'ak was happier. Well, not happy but something like that. Like he'd come to terms with it. She didn't want to end up in another fight with him. She let him be. And it wasn't like he was missing her. At least, that's what it looked like in Ngalu's eyes.

The truth was, he sort of didn't have time. And he also hated seeing her so sad. But his priority right now was spending time with his family.

If he was doing it, Ngalu thought it was a good idea to do that too. She stepped into her old pod, looking around. She saw Tsireya and Ohaye sitting on the floor, laughing with each other. They both looked up, Tsireya became a bit uneasy as she saw her sister. 'Oh, hey Ngalu.' She said as Ngalu made her way further inside.

'Hey.' She smiled at the two of them.

'Good to see you.' Ohaye said, smiling back at her.

'Good to see you too.' Ngalu said, pursing her lips and slowly nodding her head. 'Is it okay if I join you?' She asked, looking at Tsireya.

'Please!' She said, patting the floor next to her to indicate that Ngalu had to sit down next to her. Ngalu plopped down, hugging her knees to her chest. 'How have you been?' Tsireya asked.

Ngalu realized she hadn't really spent time with her siblings as she was trying to make Lo'ak feel better this whole time. 'I'm okay.'

'I heard.' Ohaye said with a sorrowful expression. 'I'm sorry for your loss.'

Ngalu sharply inhaled, making her nostrils flair a little as she pursed her lips yet again. 'Thanks.' She bit the inside of her cheek as Aonung walked into their pod, looking surprised.

'Ngalu?' He asked her, disbelief in his eyes.

'Hey. Do you want to go shell hunting?' She asked him, her eyes a little glossy.

'Of course.' He said, walking up to her and grabbing her hand.

They both made it to the beach and Aonung already started looking right away. 'I'm sorry I wasn't really there.' Ngalu told him, not even looking at the sand. She knew this was hard on him too.

Aonung looked up from the sand. 'It's okay. You had your own shit to deal with.'

Ngalu let out a shaky breath, trying to keep her tears in. When Aonung asked if she was okay, she broke down. 'No I'm not. I've tried to stay strong for him, I really did. But I just can't. It's too hard and I miss him too much. I promised him that I would look after him but—'

Aonung pulled her into a hug. 'Alright, slow down. Who's "him"?' He asked her.

'Lo'ak. I promised Neteyam I'd take care of Lo'ak.' She sobbed onto his shoulder.

Lo'ak stood back with a stunned expression on his face. His mouth fell open. She promised Neteyam she'd take care of him. That's why she was acting so motherly. She didn't want to break her promise.

He didn't want Aonung or Ngalu to see him so he quickly ran off, hoping he didn't attract any attention.

Ngalu was still in Aonung's arms, he stayed silent for a couple of seconds. 'But you have to take care of yourself too. You understand that, right?' He asked the girl in his arms.

She sighed deeply. 'I know but—'

'No buts, Ngalu. You have to take care of yourself. You're grieving too. You should process this in a healthy way.' He pulled away from the hug.

'How?' She asked him, truly not knowing how to do so.

Aonung sighed. 'You have to form a new relationship with him. You don't have to move on or forget about him, you just need to give him a new place in your heart. Treasure the memories you have with him.'

Ngalu exhaled sharply, her ears lowering at the same time. 'I don't know if I can.'

'You can do everything, Ngalu. You are so strong.' Aonung held onto her shoulders, looking her in her eyes as he spoke. He wanted to show that he wasn't lying and that he was being genuine.

She nodded softly. 'Alright. Thank you so much, Aonung.' She pulled him into another hug and he gladly returned it.

What would she do without her big brother?

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