Endgame

Pt 11: the Eye of the Storm

I held onto her tight. The entire boat and all of the things in it could go down, but no matter what, she can't.

She smelled like summer. Coconut and sea salt mixed with a little bit of sweat. It was welcoming, enticing even.

It was coming over me again. That aching feeling I used to get when Sarah would bring her over after school. When life wasn't the huge shit show it is now.

I would always avoid her on the days she came to the house. I didn't like people who made me nervous. Whenever I was around her I knew my guard was off. The only way to avoid that was to avoid her, but in the process that meant I could only admire from afar. As I grew older and as her and Sarah grew to hate each other, I found it harder to just carry on without doing anything about it. I just didn't know how to keep myself safe as well as satisfy what I wanted. I didn't want to get hurt, to be weak in front of her, so I did what I did best at the time. I provoked her. Started with glances here and there. She would always pretend to ignore me. Then my confidence grew. When I caught her gaze offguard, I would do subtle things. Wink at her, smile at her. Her cheeks would always go pink, and she always turned away indignantly.

I always found it really cute. I had always liked her.

The boat stopped its violent lurches, but it was still rocky. She had gone awfully still in my arms, and her face was buried in my shirt.

"Kie?" I said softly. She didn't respond, but her breathing was soft and steady.

She fell asleep. She fell asleep... in my arms.

I could feel my face flush as the situation sunk in. She didn't hate me anymore. She feels safe around me.

The boat slowly rights itself, and the waves aren't thrashing anymore. I unhook my arm from one of the guard rails. It had been wrapped around the rail for hours, and my arm had lost feeling. Now that both my hands were free, I held her close again. She shivered against me in her sleep.

I laid back still holding her. I would've taken her back to bed she was sleeping in before, but I didn't want to wake her up. She needed rest, and honestly so did I. We're in the middle of the ocean, the nearest land isn't for miles, and we're going slow, so I don't think I even have to steer the boat.

Her head was on my chest and her arms were still around my neck. My arms were wrapped around her back. In case we hit a rough patch, I didn't want her to go flying across the floor and crash into the wall like I did.

Her body was enough to keep me warm despite the cool temperatures and cold ocean breeze. Sleep is very tempting. I try to think when I had a full nights rest last. It's been difficult with my insomnia, and recently it's been getting worse at worse. Being in my head is exhausting, but sleep still doesn't come easy.

I'm on a hard wooden floor, but I've never felt more comfortable in my life. I want to live this moment again and again. Her in my arms, asleep, worry free, and most importantly, safe.

But she knows what I've done. She doesn't really trust me. The second she wakes up, she will never let a moment like this happen again.

She knows who I was. She knows me as big bad Rafe Cameron. I know that's not who I am. That was never who I was. Now that dads missing or dead or whatever, I have nothing to prove anymore. In a weird way, I do miss him, but him not being here means there's no reason to do things like I did in the past. Peterkin, Sarah... those were mistakes. I'm better than that now. I want Kie to know that. I need Kie to know that.

But I also need to soak in this moment. There are never times like this in my life. Times where I can just go to sleep holding someone I lo-

Nope. If I start thinking that way it could be dangerous. This needs to end. Now.

I let out a sigh as I breathe in the coconut and ocean smell of her skin and the fruity smell of her hair.

Well, it can wait until we both wake up.