From the Ashes (ASOIAF) (Sandor Clegane x OC)

Chapter 43: Tess

Tess stood on balcony off the side of the tower looking out over the castle gods wood. She'd never seen a gods wood before. She'd heard of them, and knew a little about the old gods that were still worshipped in the North but she hadn't expected it to have this feeling. There was definitely a different kind of magic here, something that felt deep and ancient. A cold breeze ruffled her hair and she breathed in deeply. The air was so clear up here. The air of King's Landing was going to smell like utter shit when she got back by comparison. Tess felt a small nudge from her abdomen and looked down.

"You like it here too?" She said, another nudge. She only had a few more weeks until her little one made it's way out into the world and she was equal parts excited, and also a little sad. On the one hand she couldn't wait to meet him or her, though she was quite confident it was a her, and see whether they looked more like her or Sand, or a combination of both. On the other hand she had gotten very used to it being the two of them together, and she would miss holding her baby so close and warm inside herself. She heard the call of a wolf beyond the wall. She looked out into the endless expanse of darkness but she couldn't make anything out. She swore the darkness was somehow darker here as well.

"I see I'm not the only one who is having trouble sleeping." Tess turned to see Sansa standing in the doorway in a pale blue velvet robe, "aren't you cold out here?" She asked.

"I'm never really cold as of late," Tess said, "it's one of the things I liked about being on the road up here. This baby has me perpetually warm, I'm not sure why. Probably just takes after her father, he's very warm naturally as well. Anyway I always seem to be overheating so the cool air feels wonderful. Then we got here and the rooms are kept so nice and toasty warm, which is very considerate, but between that and the thick furs on our bed, and the huge warm man wrapped around me." She stopped and looked up at Sansa apologetically, "Sorry if that was indelicate."

"I think we're past the point of you being delicate about what you say." Sansa said with a smile, "the evidence of your relationship has become quite apparent." She glance at Tess's stomach as she moved to stand next to Tess on the balcony.

"Tess...Is Sandor is only person you've ever been in love with?" She asked.

"Yep." Said Tess, "I sort of pushed away the idea of love for a very long time. But then Sand showed up and he didn't give me much choice in the matter."

"When did you know? That you loved him?" She asked.

"That's an interesting question." Tess said, "Let me think it through. You know we were friends first. If I'm honest I was a little fascinated by him from the first time I met. He's very unique person as you know. I think the first time I knew I wanted him was at your brothers name day tournament last year, but wanting someone and loving them aren't the same thing, obviously. I suppose.....it was actually being apart, that made me know. When the fever hit the city and I didn't see him for weeks. It was like a piece of me was missing. This constant ache, of missing him. And that was the scary part you know? Because by the time I realized I felt that way, there was no going back. I couldn't just walk away from him, he had become a part of me."

"I know, what you mean." Sansa said looking down at her hands.

"It's ok you know...." Tess said gently, "to love him. I know it's complicated and you can't see how it can ever work, but love doesn't always make sense. If you love someone you love them, it's as simple as that."

"You always make it look so easy." Sansa said, and Tess laughed.

"I'm glad it looks that way from the outside." She said, "but it's not always easy. The way I make it easy for me, is by breaking it down into small pieces. Simple things that I know are true, and then I live in those places when things get hard."