The Cuckoo Bird: Say The War Had Never Happened...

Chapter Sixteen

Anna slumped on her bed. She was right. It did smell of him.

After intruding on him in his office, Anna hadn't gone home straight away. She'd gone for a walk down the river, wandering to Karl's apartment. She had a key, so she knew she could let herself in and wait for him. In the end, she had just sat and stared at the water. She must have looked a complete sorry state because at least three people stopped to ask if she needed assistance. She deliberately stayed out until past dinner. She didn't want to have to sit with her family and be questioned about everything.

Today had been surreal.

Krause grabbing her.

Hans saving her.

Mathias begging her.

She wasn't entirely sure which one would be best to focus on. She knew what she most wanted to think about. Or rather, who. When all was said and done, she still couldn't drag her mind from thoughts of white blonde hair and icy eyes; of long fingers caressing her skin or taking her in their firm grip; of soft trailing kisses down her neck, the flurry of cool breath over her flesh. Instead, all she could do was stare at the ceiling and fight the urge to bury her nose into the sheets.

Anna could have him back if she wanted to. If she phoned him, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would come over and hold her in his arms. She'd seen it in his eyes.

The regret.

The longing.

The possessiveness.

There was a very large part of her that wished she hadn't run away. That she had stayed and let herself have him, mistakes be damned.

But how many times had she done that with her birth mother?

This wasn't the same as it was with Anika. She knew that. But it felt similar. The promises of making it up. The regret that things had been taken that far. The complete disregard for it all when it happened again and again.

Tears filled Anna's eyes and she quickly wiped them away with the butt of her hand. When more pooled, she repeated the gesture, the furious nature of her hand on her face making her skin tingle and ache.

What if she forgave Mathias and every argument was like this? What if it never even reached another argument? What if she really was just a 'quick fuck' to him, and the moment he'd had her, he cast her aside?

Her eyes wandered across her room to her dresser, the diamonds on her necklace glinting in the setting sun. She should give it back. Send it to his office with no note. Instead, she just stared at it.

The thought of getting rid of it made her feel like she had been torn in two. The way he looked at her when she had worn it was something she had never known she needed. The mixture of lust and need and want and adoration. It was so entirely addictive. She'd only had his attentions for a week and now she was certain that living without them would leave her forever bereft.

When did she become so weak?

She'd never needed that before. Not since Anika. Why did this matter now? Was she really so absolutely pathetic that someone wanting her to a point of pain mattered to her?

There was a tentative knock on the door.

'Come in,' Anna called throatily, wiping her face.

Elli stepped in, a book under her arm.

'Surprised you knocked,' said Anna, forcing a smile.

'Yeah, well, I learned the hard way that I might walk in on something disgusting.' When Anna fell silent, Elli tipped her head slightly to one side. 'You didn't come to dinner.'