Stitched Up Hearts (Alucard X Fem! reader)

Such A Fool

Trigger warning: attempted suicide. 

(six years prior) Adrian's POV

"She's gone!" I burst through the closed door, not caring to knock or ask for entry. I am far too panicked to think straight, all I can think about is her. My body felt as if it was trembling, my mind working too fast, I was not used to that feeling.

"Who's gone, dear?" my mother asked, confusion written across her features. She did not yet understand the disparity of the situation.

"Y/N! She's gone!" I explain, beyond upset that my mother did not understand how important this was. I shouldn't have let her leave yesterday. I should have followed her, made sure she was alright, anything besides standing there like a fool. Now Y/N was missing, in god knows what condition and I was to blame for it. "I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. She isn't in her room, or the library or the kitchen! She's disappeared!"

"Breathe Adrian, take a deep breath." my mother instructed soothingly, putting down whatever project she had been tinkering with. My father was nowhere to be seen, probably hidden away in one of the castle's dark rooms reading or planning. "I'm sure she must be around here somewhere, she'll be perfectly fine I assure you. That girl can handle herself quite well." she tried to sound calm, but I could hear the waver in her voice, the uncertainty. She was worried too, just as much as I was. Y/N had become a part of this castle, just as much as the rest of us had. I never understood why she could not see that.

We moved around the castle, room by room and tower by tower. We were fast and methodic, heavy footfalls echoing in the empty castle halls. I felt that same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach I had felt when I last searched for her. What if she had been attacked by something, and had been left to bleed again. We had been lucky I found her last time, but what if it was no so this time?

"She isn't in the bathroom either." I reported back to my mother, who's worry was now much more visible on her face. We'd ransacked half the castle in our search for the girl, and still no sign of her. My voice was nearly hoarse from calling her name so desperately and so many times listening eagerly for any type of response. But it never came. Even my father was part of the search now, after my mother begging him to help us look. He was scouring the hallways like a plague looking for the younger girl.

When I turned down a corridor and saw her, my entire world seemed to crash down around my shoulders. Her body was always pale but now it was deathly so. She looked unreal in a sickly way, as if her body was molded from wax into the form of a human being. At first I could not even tell if she was breathing, her body looked so limp. It appeared that life had completely faded from her body, and left only its cool flesh and brittle bones behind. Blood pooled around her hands, pouring from her chest and seeping into her clothes, like a fire consuming everything that was thrown into it. The cause of the wound was carelessly dropped next to her limp form: A wooden stake, sharpened and splintered at its tip, which was wet still with fresh blood that seeped into the wood.

For a horrifying moment I thought we had found her too late, that she had already succeeded in the attempt on her own life. Then I heard her sob, a shudder than raked through her whole body and made her shake like a leaf. That sound alone made my heart ache so badly I felt as though I was in physical pain. I later found myself surprised I did not burst into a fit of tears on the spot.

The sound was not a whimper of agony, a sound to signal physical pain that inflicted her. It was not the same noise she had made when I found her in a similar position, broken and bleeding. It was raw, the guttural sound of utter defeat. A sound that tore through her soul, through her heart and displayed to the world a heart crushing pain. Iow could I have been so blind, to ignore her suffering? I must not have been as intelligent as I thought I was, if I was so easily fooled by her, that I could not see what was truly going on.