Stitched Up Hearts (Alucard X Fem! reader)

Sunlight Cannot Reach Every Shadow

Every summer I find myself wishing it was winter again. But when winter comes around I wish it was summer again. How very human, to constantly wish for things to be something other than how they are. And how ironic, for me to be doing something so human. Summer came with heat, and sticky humid air, and bugs. Disgusting, crawling bugs, crickets chirping loudly outside the palace all all hours, and beetles, and spiders and every other manner of crawling things. And damnable mosquitoes. Adrian thought they were funny, blood sucking bugs feasting on a blood sucking person. When he said that to me I hit his arm, even though I thought it was funny too.

There were good things about summer. There was the creek me and Adrian would run to on afternoons where the heat was too much to bear. The two of us would strip down to our underclothes and play in the water till we got hungry. We'd splash each other, and try to see who could catch more fish with only their hands. It was amazing what the two of us found to do. What there was to do when you were young, and smitten and you had the time to do whatever you wanted, with the only person you felt like doing it with. We would find trees to climb, or shade to sit in. we would read stories, or make up our own. Adrian would teach me to dance, and laugh when I stepped on his toes. We would wander as far as we could, unaware of what we were searching for but not caring if we found anything at all. Once we wandered so far that we found where the creek ended, a large, crystal clear pond. Adrian taught me to swim there, and I taught him how to find watersnakes. Days like these were the perfect ones I would always think back to when I had to remind myself why I was still here. When I wanted to remember who we were, and what it felt like to finally heal.

During nights we would sit back on the roof of the palace and look at the stars. I would rest my head on his legs or he on mine, and we would point out shapes in the sky. There seemed to be an endlessness to the things we could talk about. No topic was overdone, no subject we could not go over once more. When we had finished speaking on one thing, we would move on to another, and when we tired of that we would find something else. Adrian still did not like to leave me alone. We both had our moments of solitude, but they were much more rare now than they were before. We both liked it that way, that even in silence the mere presence of the other was enjoyable company. At times he would even sleep by my side still, anxious that I may be hurt again. "I do not want to find you broken again. Not ever." he would tell me, his fingers drawing meaningless patterns against my back. I found, to my surprise, I did not want to return to him broken either.

It was my third summer at the castle. I could hardly tell my own growth, even with how rapid it was in comparison to a normal human. I noticed it with Adrian though. His shoulders broadening, his voice dropping to sound more and more like his father, his hair growing back more and more from where he had cut it. Every day he somehow looked more and more like something that fell from heaven. Like some divine being favored by God himself, blessed with beauty a mortal man could only dream of and pray for.

Every day we became bolder with each other. Gentle touches lasted a few moments longer, our kisses were less and less often stolen in a quick moment, hiding in a shadow. Longing looks were not so quickly ripped away when the other met our eyes. Still, our feelings were left unspoken. We were not lovers. We were not men and women. We were Y/N and Adrian, and that was all we needed to be.

As we grew more familiar, so too did our touches. His fingers never felt like they left permanent marks on my skin, his touch never harsh enough to leave a bruise. I remembered the way things were with Synthia when things steered in that direction. When touches would progress, when we were young and we wanted to feel adult. It was easy in Targoviste to have odd ideas about sex, and love. There were so few good examples of either, it was hard not to get yourself mixed up. And in the same manner, so too did the touches between me and Adrian. His fingers tentatively moved past my hips, past my waist, curious as to what lay further. His eyes always met mine, his eyes searching mine for any sign that I might want him to stop. He would whisper the words in my ear. Ask if it was okay for him to touch me here, or here, or here. Every time the word yes tumbled from my lips with ease. When his fingers slipped underneath my shirt, when they felt the skin of my stomach, I told him yes. When his fingers explored the crook of my waist, I told him yes. It was so easy to give him everything he asked for. So easy to look into the beautiful eyes and give him everything he wanted. Why should I not? He had asked questions no other had thought to. He did not treat me like a witch, or like a hard leather boot that was made to be broken in. I was finally a person, with skin and a heart.

But sometimes, there was a moment where I could not tell him yes. Sometimes old wounds burned like new, and unpleasant memories surfaced in times I would prefer they did not. I had thought it would be fine for him to touch me anywhere. I had thought his angelic fingers were capable of healing all wounds, that his affection would have no barrier when reaching me. But as his fingers brushed under my skirt, it reminded me of ugly fingers that had traced that same path before.

"Is everything alright?" Adrian's hand pulled away from my skin in an instant, his voice soft and concerned, almost a whisper as if he did not wish to scare me. My eyes were screwed shut, my head turned away from him. He wiped a tear off my cheek with a gentle thumb, causing me to turn my head back to look at him. "I did not mean to upset you."

"I'm sorry." I whispered, worried that perhaps I had disappointed him with my actions. I had thought my permission was enough to erase the pain that lingered there. But even the sunlight cannot reach every shadow.

"Do not apologize. Please. The fault is mine, never apologize for that." Adrian assured me, brushing my hair back into place. His hands had returned to the assured safety of my hands, his fingers woven through mine. If god was real, Adrian was certainly one of his angels, for there was no man like this. No man who would find something so broken, and wait patiently, trying to put the pieces back together.