save me

CAUGHT IN MY FEAR

"Hello," Dr. Coghlan greets her despite the fact that they had talked earlier. Though Joel was with them earlier. She missed Joel being with them, she was safer when he was near.

"Hey," Ellie replied, staring out the window, taking in the view as she tried to calm her nerves. She felt uncomfortable and awkward but she promised Joel that she would try.

"So, what would you like to talk about?" Dr. Coghlan asked, her voice soft and gentle,

Ellie looked back at her. "Can I talk about anything?"

Dr. Coghlan nodded. "This is a safe space that is your space. We talk about what you want and we go at your speed. This is about you and what you want, nothing else."

Ellie's shoulders slumped at hearing Dr. Coghlan's words, feeling relieved that she wouldn't be forced to talk. "Okay," she stated, shifting as her fingers picked at loosing threading of her sweater.

Well, Joel's sweater that she snagged from his closet. He didn't seem to mind though since he didn't say anything about it. It was comforting, especially since it smelt like home. "Isn't therapy for crazy people? Mom always told me it was but Joel said otherwise."

Dr. Coghlan raised an eyebrow. "Ellie, are you crazy?"

Ellie's eyebrows furrowed together at the question. "What?"

"Are you crazy?" Dr. Coghlan repeated.

Ellie stared at her before she shook her head. "No, I'm not crazy."

Dr. Coghlan nodded. "Then there's your answer. No one in therapy is crazy, they just need help from someone that isn't family."

"Oh," Ellie stated, glancing down at her hands. "Okay."

"Do you have any other questions that I could answer?" Dr. Coghlan asked.

Ellie shook her head, unsure of what else to say.

"Alright, what else would you like to talk about? We could talk about your mom? Or Joel? Or maybe some of your friends?" Dr. Coghlan suggested.

"Oh, uh," she shifted in her seat. "There's not much to talk about. My mom hated me, I have no friends, and staying with Joel has been nice."

"Alright," Dr. Coghlan stated. "I'm going to be honest with you Ellie, because this won't work otherwise. You clearly have trust issues, it's not a bad thing but it does make this a little difficult. Therapy can't help you if you refuse to talk to me. I know that it can be scary and uncomfortable to open up to a stranger but it will help you with processing things and coping with everything you went through. I know that you haven't had an easy life and you've developed coping mechanisms from it but they aren't necessarily healthy and not needed anymore now that you're in a safe enviroment. Therapy can teach you better ones and help you heal from trauma that may have stemmed from your childhood, but I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

Ellie's eyes widened as she listened to Dr. Coghlan's speech, not even realizing how much the other knew just based off their little interactions. "Oh," she said, shifting in her seat. "I'm trying. I swear."

Dr. Coghlan smiled. "I know," she said, before eyeing the girl. "Are you uncomfortable in the chair? I notice you keep shifting."

Ellie shook her head. "No, I just need to fidget and this isn't how I normally sit but I figured it would be rude if I put my feet in the chair."

Dr. Coghlan leaned back in her seat, moving to grab an item off the desk next to her chair, tossing it to Ellie. "Here, that should help you with fidgeting. And don't worry about the posture. I want you to be comfortable here even if that means your feet are on my chair."

Ellie's shoulders relaxed as she held the item, her green eyes scanning it. It was a fidget item, one that twisted and bended, making it easy to fidget with it. She pulled her legs up into the chair, knees pressed into her chest.

"My mom hated me," she stated, her voice coming out quietly. "I didn't ask to be fucking born and yet she hated me. She was supposed to love me and care for me but she didn't. She ignored me and caused me pain. And all this time I thought that maybe it was something I had done, that maybe moms were just like that and then I met Joel who showed me otherwise. He showed me that parents weren't supposed to hurt their kids, that they were supposed to love them and care for them. Not beat them with a belt just because they were talked too."

Ellie glanced at Dr. Coghlan who was silent, a frown settled on the older woman's lips. "Don't look at me like that, I don't want your pity."

"It's not pity, Ellie," Dr. Coghlan rebutted. "I'm just glad that you met Joel. You deserve to be treated better. Not the way your mom treated you."

"Oh," Ellie said, slumping slightly in her seat.

"So, would you like to talk more about your mother? Or would you like to change the subject?" Dr. Coghlan asked.

Ellie met Dr. Coghlan's eyes before she smiled slightly. "Talk about something."

——

"So," Joel started, glancing at the girl who just threw herself into the passenger seat of the truck, her nimble hands scrambling to find the seatbelt. "How was therapy?"

Ellie buckled herself in before looking at Joel. "It was awkward and slightly uncomfortable," she admitted.

"Okay. That's okay. Do you want to stop?" Joel asked, wanting to make sure that she knew that she could stop.

Ellie shook her head. "No, Dr. Coghlan said that it would take time for Therapy to help. I want to keep trying, even if it's awkward and slightly uncomfortable," she said.

Joel smiled. "Okay, then that's what we'll do," he said.

Ellie smiled back. "Okay," she replied, leaning back into her seat. "Thanks Joel."

"Of course, babygirl," he said. "Now let's go home."