Sinners' Kingdom #1: The Book of Lust (Complete)

53

I was unnerved the whole time I washed up — again — but kept my thoughts to myself, allowing Lust to insert himself in my presence only for a moment so he could make sure the rock I picked up wasn't gross, and was suitable for scrubbing. He was still close by, though. I knew it. It was a different kind of mortifying, him watching me as I bathed, versus the kind that came from making an idiot out of myself while I moaned and begged every time we fucked. The quiet intimacy of the silence, his subtle presence, and the self-conscious weight on my shoulders as I tried to hide under the water from his sight was more hair raisingly vulnerable than anything I'd endured yet.

There was no point telling him to give me privacy, either. After the odd conversation that I'd up and abandoned moments ago, he refused to let me leave his sight. Mammon might be around, too, though I imagined they'd be arguing if he were that close. Maybe. They had acted so strangely ever since my outburst about the birds that apparently, they couldn't hear.

It was probably nothing. Just magic shenanigans. I didn't know enough about the magical world to even guess at the supposed problem, but birds that demons couldn't hear or birds that only humans could hear, what did that matter compared to the pressing issue of my eyes? With every passing minute, my dread grew along with my doubts. What if they were right? What if through a cosmic twist of malicious misfortune, somehow, I had to let an incubus screw me into the ground if I wanted my sight back?

Tears pricked at my eyes. No, I wasn't upset. No, I wasn't going to cry, feeling so powerless, like someone else owned my body and I should just pant and bark and take it like a good little bitch. Be thankful, Lust's other thralls would say, crawling on their hands and knees and licking his feet with dog-like adoration on their faces. We're worthless, vessels for our master only. Know your place and grovel. Thank him for choosing you to be his fucktoy. This is what we exist for now, you ungrateful whore.

What would my mom say if she saw me now? I closed my eyes, shoulders hunching and heart squeezing so thickly I couldn't breathe. She'd only shown me the face of her true disappointment twice in my whole life. But if she were here now, I'd be seeing it for the third time. She wouldn't even say anything. She'd turn away and leave me here, wordless, not even a glance back.

I leaned into the self-loathing. It was the clinical choice, honestly. For as long as I hated what I was becoming, at least that meant Lust hadn't gotten to me yet, on the inside. My soul was still clinging on. Proof.

"Sable."

I opened my eyes, staring at the wisps of blue and yellow that thickened into smears in my vision. Earlier, I'd thought it would improve more, but it had stopped and stayed like this until now. "What do you want," I called back, not bothering to look over my shoulder as I scrubbed my arm under the surface.

"You've been clean for a while now. Come out, love."

Subtle irritation flared. "So you decide how long I can take my baths for, too, now?" I asked. "Want to time me?"

"You should stay close. For all sorts of reasons."

"You're close enough." I shut my eyes again, squeezing them tightly to alleviate the building strain. "If you're bored, go back and watch Mammon."

"He's... here, now. It seems he couldn't stay away."

The slight pause and following words dripped with humorous disdain, but I couldn't help but notice that Lust's unsubtle baiting lacked the enthusiasm from before. I would never understand. Literally hours ago, they were trying to kill each other. Then the confrontation over the stolen Shard happened, and everything turned on its head. Lust, who would never have let his nemesis anywhere near me, was suddenly letting him have sex with us, all three of us together. And now he was just making casual mention of Mammon lurking right there on the shore somewhere as if that was his rightful place. With us.