Sinners' Kingdom #1: The Book of Lust (Complete)

70

I woke up, rolled over, and retched.

There was almost nothing to vomit up. The bits of the fruits Lust had found for me that I'd cautiously nibbled on, uncertain whether they were safe to ingest, were all that came out, along with what must be mostly water. It burned even still, searing my throat and mouth as my eyes watered with every sickening gag and hacking cough.

"Sabrael. Sabrael! Breathe!"

That name. That name — the man said it like it was nothing for him to call it, like it was the most natural thing in the world. He rubbed my back and leaned in close, kneeling at my side, like he was meant to be there. Who — how — God! Who was he and how did he know my name!

Because the worst part of all this was that it was true. Sabrael. I had no recollection of how I'd learned it or how I could possibly even possess one, especially if Grandma and Mom had never known, but without a doubt it was my true name. My body recognized it even if my mind didn't, reacting so violently that I still couldn't pull myself together after that nauseating dream, that indelible memory that had been leaking through to my consciousness for years and years. I had always known there was something hidden in the depths of that void spanning my earliest years, well past the age I should have begun forming memories. No matter how I tried to convince myself now that this was all part of the illusion, that magic was manipulating my mind to think this way by inserting false memories into the narrative of my life and disguising them as genuine, I couldn't believe it.

Even if this was all a trick, it felt too real to deny. No logic, no reason, no sense could save me now.

"You — you were there," I gasped between the last of my choking coughs. I was on my hands and knees still, unable to rise and only holding myself up because the man supported my shoulders. His fingers pressed into my arms. One billowing sleeve of his pure white robes lay gently across my back. His long hair swayed lightly in my peripheral vision, buoyed by the gentle breeze that cooled my heated face. This... all felt so real. Too real. "When I was little. I met you. I've dreamed about you before, but I never knew who you were. Tell me!"

I must have looked so unimpressive demanding anything with my weak voice and shaking arms. But he didn't snicker or sigh, didn't even frown. He helped me sit back and even tried to use his sleeve to dab at the saliva gleaming on my bottom lip, before I pushed away his arm and did it myself.

"I don't remember," he said gently. "It's no use. Since the moment I realized I couldn't, I've been trying, but nothing has come to me. All I know is you. Sabrael."

"So you don't know why I have a true name at all then?" I snapped, resorting to aggression. It wasn't like I knew how else to react. If he turned out to only have good intentions, I'd apologize later. "If I really told you, you must know plenty of other things, too. No one goes around just telling people like that, even kids. I wasn't that stupid back then."

"You were clever and bright, Sabrael. You weren't stupid at all. Far from it."

"I thought you don't remember anything?"

"I don't have to. I know it just from seeing you again. I... I've missed you more than I can ever say. Even when I didn't know it. Even when I didn't know I was alive... I know it now. This feeling. I wanted to see you again all this time, and now you're finally here."

The longing in his voice sent goosebumps washing over me. The instant trust from him made no sense at all. Even if he really was a victim in all of this and truly was the angelic boy haunting my past, he should be on his guard just like me. Shouldn't he be wondering if I was nothing more than a false memory, too? Shouldn't he be questioning why he would find me here after all these years, in the middle of nowhere—