Lilith (rewrite)

Chapter 1

Lilith

"Everything I was afraid of happening, happened."

November 17th, it's cold and rainy but Lilith doesn't mind. The rain taps against her window, creating much needed background noise from the silence consuming her house. Her dad is at 'work', but she knows it's just another grimy pub most likely miles from home. Her mum is staying at a 'friends', but she said that a few years ago now and still hasn't returned.

It's freezing inside but Lilith opens her window slightly, letting the sound of the rain surround her. She had always preferred this weather over the heat of the summer. She would get to wrap up and not overheat and get to drink hot chocolate without needing an excuse. Not that she can often afford to buy such a luxury. If she's lucky she can steal some from Ashley's house, which she always feels bad about but Ash's parents are loaded and have a cupboard dedicated to fancy hot chocolates from all around the world; caramels, coffees, dark rich chocolate, or sweet white chocolate. You name it, they've got it.

Ashley knows how much Lilith loves hot chocolate, being her best friend and all, but it's rare that she offers Lilith any. She never asks, not wanting to make herself a burden, but it's so delicious. If she had the money she would dedicate a room to chocolate. She barely had the money to pay off the bills and get food, so for now she lets that dream sit quietly in the back of her mind.

Lilith and Ashley's friendship is a little unorthodox at best. Lilith can see in the way she looks at her that she often times doesn't seem to even like her, but they've been friends for so long it would take a serious amount of drama to end their friendship with a clean break. Ashley treats Lilith like dirt under her shoe. But Ash knows more about her than anyone else ever has and no matter how hard her brain tells her to leave Ashley and her stuffy friend group her heart yearns to stay close to her.

As much as she love winter, the downside is how freezing her house becomes. Her mum is gone now and even when she was around, she never contributed to the bills, and her dad is barely conscious enough to get the bus into the city let alone do a full shift. The only way they afford food and basic necessities is because of Lilith's job, but with both college and keeping up with her social life she can only work thirty hours a week which isn't nearly enough to pay all the bills. It's easier in the holidays, she works as much as she can so they have enough to get through into the new year. She has to hide all the cash in her mattress though; she never knows when her dad might decide they need another 'party'. He gets pissed off his face and blows any and all money in sight on whatever booze he can get his hands on. For the past month he's been spending every penny they earn and whatever she gives him on whiskey, specifically Jack Daniels. It's the reason Lilith has to hide everything from them, even her possessions aren't safe if he's gone without alcohol for too long.

She should probably despise alcohol and drugs after seeing what it's done to him, but instead she uses them as her own crutch. She doesn't want to turn out like her father, but it's hard after seeing it take away his worries. She understands him in a way she wished she didn't, she wished she could hate him for it, for not caring after her like he should've and for being so neglectful. But she gets it, life sucks. It really does. And when you don't know where to turn and see a bottle or a pill which you know will make you feel better, well let's just say it takes an incredibly strong person to turn that down.

It's even harder for her because she works at a club in the centre of Bristol, it's one of the rougher ones and men there tend to get handsy and she thanks the stars everyday she's not one of the unfortunate dancers. Everywhere you turn there's a bottle of alcohol, or someone doing a line of coke. It's a surprise the place hasn't been shut down with the multiple deaths from overdoses that happen. It's also a surprise Lilith didn't go down that road sooner, when she was younger, she swore off all types of alcohol and drugs. She never wanted to become like her parents or the men at the club, sometimes she wished she could go back in time just to apologise to her child self. She was so excited to get out of this place, to leave this literally hell hole of a city. But that same city is Lilith's only comfort now, and it's all she knows.