Lilith (rewrite)

Chapter 27

Lilith

I'm not a whole person and I don't think I ever will be. Parts of me died in the house I grew up in and I visit them in my dreams.

Enzo offers to let Lilith stay at his house, and as stupid of a decision as it most likely is, she agrees. There definitely has to be something wrong with her if she barely puts up a fight at the proposition of staying with the boy who murdered her father, but it isn't really a surprise considering all the other hints that there's something seriously fucked up in her mind.

It works out easily enough, though. Enzo has to pick Jess up from school, and it feels like a fever dream that after everything that's happened such a normal routine still occurs. It means that Lilith can still put off having to talk with him, and also means she has time to collect her limited belongings from her house alone. She doesn't want anyone else being with her inside, and Nathan agrees to wait in his car outside for whenever she's ready to leave.

By the time Nathan sets her down outside her house and she's walking through the front door, she's so wrapped up in her mind that she doesn't notice the car outside. Only once Lilith hears footsteps upstairs does she realise someone is here.

She immediately backs away, as quiet as a mouse she escapes and checks her surroundings. Finally noticing specifically what car is sat right outside, one she always wondered if she would ever see come back here. It's been a few years since she's seen it, a few years since she's seen the person who drives it. Years where she questioned herself for driving said person away, for being the problem all along. With a fresh wave of anxiety beating into her, she enters the house again. Listening carefully for those footsteps and feeling her pulse quicken as the steps grow louder and closer.

"Lilith?" The voice stops her dead in her tracks.

"Mum?" She replies, unsure of what to say.

"Where is your father?" Her mum asks, nervousness tainting her voice.

Of course, out of everything she could possibly want to say to Lilith, all she wants to know is where her father is. Her mother doesn't even question how horrific Lilith undoubtedly looks, covered in bruises and blood. Disappointment fills Lilith, and she's disgusted that her mother can still rule over her emotions so easily. For years, Lilith blamed herself for her mother leaving. It wasn't that she made it seem like it was Lilith's fault exactly, it's that she didn't know what else it could be. Of course, now she knows it was most likely her father that drove her mother away, but that child-like voice in her head is full of insecurity and doubt.

"He's dead." Lilith replies after a long pause.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'm back then." My mother says, unfazed by the statement except for the droop in her shoulders, she almost looks relieved.

"Is that all you're going to say? Just, okay? That's it?" She says in disbelief, begging her with her eyes to say something meaningful. Something that will fix the past few years of pain. Lilith's mother never comforted her as a child, but she still craves it nonetheless.

"What do you want me to say, Lilith?" Her voice is tired. Older.

It's now Lilith notices that it isn't just her voice that sounds different, she looks older too. It's only been a few short years, but it's like the world has come crushing down on her and taken a piece of her youth with her. Her once shiny dark brown hair has become limp and thin. Her normally perfectly smooth skin has a few wrinkles and looks too pale. Her veins are more pronounced in her hands, and they shake ever so slightly. But her eyes, her eyes are the same. The exact same shade of grey that they used to be when she scolded Lilith, or when she looked at her in disdain. They're what causes that fear to rise in Lilith, memories of her mother eagerly ushering her to her room to meet her dad's friend. That moment was the last straw for Lilith, whatever little trust she still had for my mother vanished that evening.