Lilith (rewrite)

Chapter 21

Lilith

Being raised by cold eyes taught her not to cry.

She's been staying with Lorenzo for the past three days now, and she won't lie and say that it's been easy to keep her emotional boundaries safe. Every time he gives her one of those smiles, every time he holds her and comforts her, she can feel the walls she's made soften. She keeps trying to remind herself that when whatever this is ends, it will hurt even more if she begins to trust him, but her heart won't listen to her head and the conflict is tearing her up inside.

Lilith stretches out on the bed; Enzo's side has long turned cold from where he left to get some more milk for their supposedly endless supply of tea. Although she's regrettably come to trust Enzo somewhat, she still feels the usual dread every evening when he lays beside her. He hasn't tried to do anything yet, or even hinted that he wants to, but she knows it's only a moment of time until he runs out of patience.

They have college today, and she knows her time of staying in this temporary haven is coming to an end. She has to go back to her house at some point, but she knows the longer she leaves it the worse her punishment will be. She's barely recovered from what her dad did last time, and she doesn't know how she'll cope considering this time will most likely be far worse.

It's not unusual for her to stay out for a night, but anything longer than that and she's learnt that it's never worth it. Every time her dad accuses her of ratting him out to the police, and that's only when it's been two days. By the time she gets home tonight it would have been four. It's safe to say that the previous anxiety that was bubbling beneath her skin is soon to overwhelm her.

She's been borrowing Enzo's clothes for the past few days, but he bought her a couple pairs of trousers and sweatshirts to replace her bloody pair and give her something to wear today. She of course firmly disagreed with the idea of him buying her clothes, knowing how expensive they can be especially considering he got them brand new. However, no matter what she said it didn't change his mind and that's how the jeans and sweatshirt end up on her bed.

She's grateful for it, truly, but at the same time it bothers her that he doesn't listen when she tells him she doesn't want his help. It reminds her that now he knows about her dad, he most likely won't listen when she tells him to leave her situation alone. But she's also torn up inside, because she knows he isn't just doing all this to protect her, it's also to protect himself. She can see the way he looks at her when he doesn't realise she can see him, with that deep level of understanding and empathy. She knows that he sees himself in her, but the thing is she's not him. Enzo was a child when all that happened to him, Lilith's nearly an adult. She doesn't need him 'saving' her, all it does is mess up her life even further. She can't trust him, she just can't.

She gets out of the warmth of the bed and makes her way into the bathroom, turning on the shower and adjusting the temperature accordingly. She either has to have her showers freezing cold, or scoldingly hot, and today it's definitely hot enough to burn her.

She welcomes it though, letting it burn away the nightmares she had last night. Enzo has been feeding her as much as she can physically eat, after years of malnutrition she hasn't been able to eat a whole lot and the nightmares she gets often end up with her throwing up whatever she managed to eat down the toilet. She doesn't tell him that of course, and always make sure to run to the downstairs toilet so he doesn't hear her. So far it seems to have worked.

She can't keep going on like this for much longer though, it's been by pure luck alone that his nightmares haven't coincided with hers yet. She often gets back to the bedroom and a few moments later he is chased from sleep in a similar way to her.