Lilith (rewrite)

Chapter 19

Lilith

Realisation is a pendulum the size of the moon. It won't stop slamming into me.

Enzo gestures for her to sit on his couch, and after he assures himself that she's settled and not about to bolt out like last time, he disappears. Lilith takes the time alone to really look at his house. His front door enters straight into the living room, and the kitchen is separated by a large archway off to the left. The stairs lay against the kitchen wall and underneath is a small washroom with barely enough room for a single person.

It makes sense though that the one downstairs is so small considering the numerous bathrooms and ensuites upstairs which all adorn either a full size shower or bath tub.

It's not long until she hears the sound of the kettle boiling though, and a few moments later Enzo walks in with two mugs of tea and some biscuits.

"I thought we might need some comfort for this conversation." He says almost sheepishly.

"Thanks. So, what did you want to talk about?" Lilith asks softly. She can feel the tension rolling off his body, and it's making her feel like she's walking on glass around him.

"I'm going to tell you my life story, every single thing. To prove to you that I understand, and that you can trust me." He breathes out.

"Okay, I won't lie, I'm intrigued, but if you feel uncomfortable you know you don't have to tell me, right? I don't want to force anything out of you." She reassures him, and herself. Lilith wants to know everything, but at the same time she would hate herself even more than she already does if she made him feel uncomfortable.

"No, it's okay. I trust you." He sighs and pulls a hand over his face, "I won't lie though, this is going to suck for me. I haven't spoken about this to anyone but Nathan and his parents, and even then it's only tiny snippets. But I want you to know, I need you to know." He amends.

Lilith nods and takes a sip of her tea, letting it burn her throat slightly. It's the only comfort she has at the moment, the only pain to distract her from the anxiety of this looming conversation. She gives him a soft smile of encouragement and after a pause he finally takes a deep breath and begins.

"I've never known my father; my mother didn't tell me anything about him but from what I gathered he was another one of her one night stands. So it was just me and my mother my whole life, but she always hated me. I still haven't figured out why, but she truly despised me. My whole childhood was full of fear and pain, and her belt." He takes another deep breath in and Lilith sits there silently, frozen.

"My mother used to beat me, daily, with her belt. I have the scars to prove it." He laughs bitterly, looking at Lilith but not really seeing her. "When I was twelve, Jess was born. I spent the rest of my days protecting her from our mother. She still doesn't know about any of it, she's never seen my scars and I won't ever let her. I never want her to know that sort of pain." A shaky sigh leaves his lips.

"My mother was always abusing substances, anything she could get her hands on she would take. And therefore, spending any money in sight. I spent the whole of my childhood barely alive, never being able to afford food or comfort of any kind. I was completely emaciated, skin and bones." His eyes are so distant now, as if he's back inside his half-dead child-body. "It wasn't until I became friends with Nathan that I ate a real meal and had a fresh pair of clothes on my back."

Lilith so badly wants to grab his hand, to bring him physical comfort, but she knows from experience that he needs to work through this himself first. She knows her touch would ground him, but that would most likely just make him shrink into himself. She knows she would.