TW: Self harm
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Most of negative things happen at night because that is when I can truly dwell on shit more.
Self Harm..
I only scratch myself but still. I want to stop but I also don't want to. The little 'high' it gives me afterwards is nice but its addicting and I'm more prone to get addicted to things bc that is something that runs in my family. I don't want to hide my self harm. My friends and family know. I shouldn't be ashamed, but I also feel like I'm an attention seeker when I don't cover it. I like see it but I don't wanna make it obvious I'm looking (though I probably fail at that). I'm supposed to get a therapist but I don't see any other ways of helping myself, I just gotta wait for it to pass like last time. But last time only lasted a few weeks I think. (GigaChad Theme-Epic Orchestral Version just started playing while I write this lol) I try to help myself get better but then Chara (The characger I have attatched my negative/bad thoughts to) will be like, "If you can't hurt others hurt yourself." or some random thing about hiding the sound of throwing up.
Sometimes I'll look at my marks and will just laugh? The marks do look nice on me and that is another reason I don't want to stop. I would draw on myself to replicate the marks but I'm not allowed to. Though marking a sticky note or bit of paper like self harm helps but I'm out of sticky notes :').
Oop this was lonk lol (long)
