A GOOD GIRLS GUIDE TO MURDER ( oneshots ! )

Her Reminder Of Good

Pippa panted. Her heart ached. Burned.

She was still running every day, be it the cold streets of New York or the too-hot Hell in her dreams, she ran.

Pippa, running from monsters that never were.

Monsters that shaped themselves in the shadows of her room, twisting; her eyes finding DT in the depth of them.

Monsters that bled through the lines in her palms, sweat turning an angry red as she walked to class wearing Stanley's blood.

Monsters that screamed in the bark of a dog, turning from just a distant sound to Barney, the first thing she had lost.

Monsters who's eyes shined gold in the late afternoon sun - monsters who found their form in everything gold.

The gold hurt the worst, because somehow, it was everywhere.

From the day she'd walked away from him, and his eyes that lit up the sun, she began to notice gold more and more.

Gold, once nothing but a speck on the sidewalk, was now her oxygen. Her constant. Something she needed.

Gold, her reminder of good. Her reminder of Ravi.

She could find it everywhere, if she looked hard enough, and that was what she did.

Pip spent her days searching, every day an attempt to find something new - or maybe old - to add to the list.

Lists, another constant. The routine of having routine.

Lists, routines. Something she found in the whiteboard, hung above her dresser. The whiteboard with two small polaroids of her and Ravi, pinned against it with magnets in the corner. The whiteboard where she kept her list of gold in neat, small handwriting.

Constants, lists, routines.

She needed constants. She needed lists. She needed routines.

She needed sleep, but that didn't come easy.

It came, finally, but not smoothly. A fork in the road, a rock in the shoe.

It was easier with Ravi by her side. Knowing she could wake up and see him. Text him. Hear his voice.

It was harder now, without him. Knowing it was just another day. Another day of Luna dragging her for early morning coffee after her even earlier morning run. Another day of classes that dragged on for ages, and homework that dragged on for longer. Another day without Ravi.

And how many had it been, now? It was more than one hundred, she knew that.

Right - 187. Day 187 without Ravi. Without answering her mother, her father. Ignoring Cara's constant calls. Waiting.

Waiting for the news, which was taking too long.

She needed the verdict. She needed it, more than she had ever needed anything, because behind the verdict was Ravi. Cara. Her family.

Hiding behind the verdict was life. Peace.

And if one thing went wrong, life would be stripped away from her.

Life without Ravi. Life without family. Life without parole.

Life without living.

Her mind reeled - how had she gotten so far from campus already? She couldn't have been gone for long, just a quick, ten minute run, but it had almost been an hour. She had ran too far and too hard, and now her legs ached with her heart, and her ears stung with the sounds of sirens.

No, those were real.

Pass, she urged them. Please, not today, she begged.

She panted, and her legs stung, but she pulled herself back down to earth. Running from monsters. Finding her way home again.

She turned on her heels, back the way she came from, and began her run. Something fresh in her mind as three police cars passed her, their sirens hissing in her ear as she pushed herself harder.

The sun was fading, and it was losing itself to the navy blue night, but none of that mattered. Not right now. Because there, in a crack in the sidewalk, was the thing she had yet to see all day. She'd even nearly tripped over it, stumbling and catching herself.

There, in the crack of the sidewalk: a ring. A golden ring; and right in the middle of it was an amber, almost brown gem.

That was her golden, today. That was what she'd needed. That was it.

Everything bad left her, just for now, at least. The monsters slipped back into shadows, the blood was just sweat.

A positive. A constant. This was good.

This was something she could tell Luna about when she got home.

This was something that one day, if things went their way, she could tell Ravi about.

From that crack in the sidewalk, Pip fiddled and pulled at the ring with her index finger and her thumb; until it pulled.

She smiled at it, shuffling it between her fingers to find where it fit, and there she found it slipping snuggly on her ring finger.

She smiled again, taking a deep breath of the fresh evening air, and pulled herself to keep running.

By the time she got home, the sky lost its color; lost itself, really, finding its own constant of night and stars. Another beauty Pip appreciated; though not as much as the golden sunsets, they were still something she could love.

She hoped she could be something someone could love, again.

She hoped that someone was Ravi.

As she slowed her pace to a walk, nearing her dorm, there he was. His daily visit from her mind. A physical thing, finding himself a form in the wind.

There Ravi was, walking next to her, holding her hand.

"Hey, Trouble." He said to her.

"I miss you," she told him.

"I know. And I'll see you soon, I'm sure."

"Yeah, but what if -"

"Don't think about that. You're happy right now; don't ruin it."

"Okay," Pip said, breathing deep into her chest. "You're right. I have a good thing."

"Yes, Sarge. Keep that good thing good. Keep it gold. Live off the feeling as long as you can."

"Okay," she said again, squeezing his hand.

No, it was just the air. He was gone again. But she wouldn't let that be a bad thing.

Ravi could be there, behind her eyes. His voice could be there, a hum in her ear. She couldn't see him - she really never could - but he could still be there with her.

He could be there in her list of gold, in her early morning walks. In the flecks of gold she had in her eyes. In the one hoodie she had of his, that she slept in every night.

She let herself into her dorm, Luna's calico cat rubbing against her calve - another constant, another golden. The cat, who Pip had grown to love despite never really being a cat person. Her eyes, like Ravi's, shone gone.

Pip shut and locked the door behind her, slipping to her room: her safety after a long day of vulnerability.

Routine. Constants. Lists.

The first thing to do, always, every day, was to add to her list.

Gold
- Ravi's eyes, in an old picture
- The sun, today
- A dragonfly's wing
-Luna's necklace

And so on, and so forth.

- A ring that I found in the sidewalk, gold and amber, like Ravi.