To Carry a Torch | KTH ✅

Chapter 23: So Show Me, I'll Show You

Yeona's POV 🦋

Washing dishes in the sink, the warm water pouring over my hands, I'm lost in a daydream. My thoughts are lost remembering Taehyung, the way he kissed me so passionately, his hands exploring my body, the way he kept trying to put my needs in front of his own. All the times, we joked and laughed together. I miss him so much and have regretted pushing him away on the day of my rescue. I know, in theory, it was the right thing to do; I truly do love him with all my heart, but I really can't put his livelihood in jeopardy. Also, I can't just drag someone right into Blossom's life, although ironically, it seems like I've let all of Bangtan in at this point. I'm not even sure my head is on straight most days.

"Chimmy, dance with me!" Blossom sings out as she twirls him around the little studio apartment we've come to know as home. Blossom spins and dances her yellow doll around happily. It took a few months for us to settle in and for Blossom to finally understand that we won't be seeing Grandma again. It's been quite an adjustment, but with some counseling, I've learned how to soften the transition for both of us.

I've spent months on end learning how to truly breathe for the first time. To learn how to lose that feeling that someone is right behind me, always waiting for that moment to catch me alone and be sinister. Some nights after Blossom goes to bed, I slip into the bathroom and quietly cry, but it's no longer the feeling of being trapped; it's because I'm finally free for the first time, and it is overwhelming.

A knock comes on the door, and our guests have arrived. "Ooooh, Mama! They are here!" Blossom yells as she propels herself to the door. "Who's there!" she yells excitedly.

"Your favorite person!" a friendly voice comes back.

"Meow-Meow?" she says, a bit confused.

"Meow-Meow? What! Miss, how dare you!" the voice giggles.

I sidestep Blossom and open the door, "Hi guys, come on in." I smile and let Jimin and Jungkook enter.

"I thought I was your favorite?" Jungkook says as he snatches Blossom up and carries her down into our apartment. Blossom starts giggling, trying to hide her face behind her hands.

"Hi, Kookie!" she squeals. "Jimin! What's in the box?"

"This is a list of things Lily texted to me and said I needed to bring," he explains as he places a large box down on the table.

"This woman is on tour, and she's still trying to take care of us. Jimin, you have to make her stop!" I say in awe.

Inside the box are new winter boots and a coat for Blossom, along with some new toys, cleaning supplies, and some kitchen items., "Nobody can stop Lily; she's like a hurricane. You'll have to get used to it," Jimin laughs. "At least you don't have to feel like she is singling you out because she does this to all of us! I have no idea how she comes up with the time to do these things," he laughs.

I laugh, feeling a bit more relaxed and a lot less self-conscious about Lily's gifts.

"I brought something just for you," Jungkook smiles down at Blossom.

"You did?"

"Uh-huh," he replies and then reaches inside the box and pulls out a Tata plushy. "It's a friend for Chimmy to play with."

Blossom squeals, a slew of grateful thanks falling out her mouth as Jimin sits down on the floor with her to play. 

After we moved into the apartment, Jungkook helped Lily bring over some groceries, and they ended up staying for a long visit. We became fast friends that afternoon, and he never stopped visiting after that day. "Kook, you really don't have to spoil her like that," I say gently as we watch Blossom happily hugging her new doll.

"I think Taehyung really would have liked her to have one," Kook says softly as he looks into my eyes. "He would have liked to get to know her more as the rest of us have; he most definitely would have loved to spend more time with you..."

"Kook, please. You're going to make me cry," I whisper.

"Isn't that a sign that you should try and work things out when he gets back?" Jungkook gently pushes. "You know he loves you. Clearly, you love him."

"It's impossible; what if he is caught hanging out with me? Everyone will turn on him! I refuse to let that happen to him," I say as I rifle through the things Lily sent over, trying to act like I'm okay.

"You know what? That's not true. Everyone knows about Lily and Yoongi and Ari and Namjoon, and that ended up not really changing things at all. If anything, it cleansed the fandom a little bit, and it's been a lot less toxic. It's refreshing to be seen as people as opposed to 'Idols' all the time. Plus, Tae can handle anything. He always does," Jungkook explains.

"Kookie, look, Chimmy and Tata are best friends now! Come see!" Blossom cries out gleefully.

Jimin looks our way with a soft smile and winks, and I love how close I've become to these two gentle souls over the last few months.

"Think about it, Yeona. Life is too short to let real love pass you by; even if it feels like the journey might be challenging," Jungkook says and then pads over to Blossom and Jimin.

"So show me," he sings out to Blossom playfully.

"I'll show you..." Blossom sings back in a tiny voice, and I'm amused as I watch Jungkook and Jimin praise her.

Turning my attention back to the box, I let Jungkook's words wash over me, knowing he means well but also knowing Tae and I have been left in a limbo we really can't repair. He's been away on the road for a long while, and I still have more work to do for myself and Blossom. Our worlds just don't have a way to connect anymore.

What's more devastating is the more I meet with my new therapist I realize so many different ways I should have handled things. She keeps trying to tell me to forgive myself, that I was using the few coping skills I had to get through life the best I could, but now I wish I hadn't been so terrified of letting Tae know all my secrets. It's a deep regret that I don't know if I can ever overcome.

I turn around and look over at Blossom; she's happy as can be, even though I've put her through so much. I wonder if I could ever feel as carefree and happy as she does right now.

How do I find happiness when Tae stole my heart when he exited my life, and I'm the one who kicked him out the door?