Sleepless✎

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"MCDONALD'S BEFORE THERAPY?" Tate poked his head through her doorway, a bright smile on his face.

"it's 9am in the morning" Ilaria groaned, pulling her pillow over her face. She winced at the throb in her head, no doubt last night's late night catching up to her.

"you can't miss a session" Tate pursed his lips firmly "sorry."

The girl glared at her brother, he NEVER let her off the hook with these things. It's not like the therapy even helped, as far she was concerned it made things worse for her.

She would prefer to keep all of this buried deep inside her somewhere unreachable, somewhere far enough that she would forget about it.

Her family, however wouldn't let her do that. Ilaria rolled out of her bed, staring at the huge window across her bed overlooking the woods outside her house, the site used to be her favorite thing. Now, the trees are monsters, moving closer with every passing day.

She rubbed at her eyes and slipped into her bathroom, cringing at the state her long brown hair was in and the eyebags beneath her eyes. She wasn't quite sure when she started letting herself go but she couldn't gather the energy to even care about that.

By the time she was dressed she was in some black slacks, a plain black top tucked into it with a brown coat over and gold jewelery. She only wore  gold jewelry, partly because it suited her skin tone, partly because her brown mother would toss her out of the window if she ever caught Ilaria in silver.

Ilaria figured, if she was going to suffer from multiple mental illnesses she might aswell do it looking good.

"okay, let's go" Ilaria said slipping into her brother's car where he was already waiting for her.

"please don't order a mcflurry" her brother cringed as they pulled out of their driveway "it's bad enough that it's snowing"

"ice cream in cold weather is heavenly" Ilaria rolled her eyes "you're just uncultured"

Tate punched her slightly and she dramatically gasped, rubbing her arm "that hurt" she whined.

"softy" her brother stuck his tongue out at her. Despite him being 3 years older, he still managed to act like the younger sibling. It was ilarias favorite thing about him.

By the time they got to McDonald's, Ilaria did, infact order herself a mcflurry. Tate glared at her for a solid thirty minutes while eating his burger.

"so, how is college going?" she asked her brother. Tate took on studying law, since their father did it and their mother wouldn't stop going on about it when he first started.

Ilaria was proud of him too though she'd never say it out loud.

Tate shrugged "fun, I guess. You should come to campus one day, I could introduce you to some of my friends."

"no thanks, I'm good" she tapped his shoulder, a smirk on her face.

"still going to do that FBI academy thing?" her brother asked her, it had been a dream since she could understand what the FBI was.

Ilaria nodded, if there was one thing she still knew it was crime.

"good." he said before tossing his papers out and driving off to ilarias own personal hell.

Ilaria sat staring straight at her therapist, she learnt that this way she can easily lie about how she is and her therapist would by it.

No eye contact is a indication of her hiding something.

"so how have you been?" the woman infront of her asked with a small smile, her light green eyes were full of sincerity.

Ilaria chewed her bottom lip, as if in thought and said "I've been okay." I haven't been okay.

Her therapist studied her and sighed "Ilaria, you're here so I can help you."

"okay..." the girl lifted her eyebrows.

"have you been having nightmares?"

"no" yes, everynight now.

"have you been eating?"

"yes" no, barely.

"have you been experiencing any hallucinations?"

"nope" I've been seeing my dead bestfriend everyday like it's normal.

These are the things she wanted to say but chose not to, for the sake of keeping up her facade.

Her therapist, Layla gave the girl a pitying smile. Clearly not buying any of it but not pushing her either "I'm going to represcribe you your medication"

"I don't need it" Ilaria glared at the hijabi infront of her "I'm perfectly fine and those medications make me drowsy, I can't focus on my schoolwork that way" the girl crossed her arms stubbornly "i don't need any medication."

Laylas lips turned down in a frown "Ilaria, if your mother reports anything next week you understand that it would be my fault?"

Ilaria shook her head "she won't report anything because im fine"

Accepting those medicines would mean accepting that she was mentally ill, that she was so weak she had to rely on medication and Ilaria refused that. She would not allow herself that sort of help, not until she gets this case solved anyway.

Her therapist gave a defeated sigh, there was about 10 minutes left of their session and she let Ilaria go.

"how did it go?" Tate asked as Ilaria slipped in the front seat of his car and slammed the door shut.

Ilaria never answered him, quite frankly that was a stupid question. She just wanted to get home and take a nap and forget about everything.

Me :
           Is it okay if I go through Kennas things tomorrow instead?

She sent the message to Kai, she didn't really feel like doing it today - her energy levels were completely depleted despite barely talking in therapy.

Kai :
Yeah, no pressure. Take your time :)

Ilaria blew out a breathe and switched her phone off, ready to go home and take a nap. She had a bad habit of sleeping when she didn't feel like dealing with anything.

But not even her naps were peaceful anymore. She woke up that night atleast 3 times.

It's hard to sleep when your mind isn't on your side. When it chooses to haunt you more than any ghost will.