Keeping Her Safe

What to do

A few months later

How do you tell your loved ones that you are dying? How when they almost lost you when you were in a school shooting? These were the questions that I was asking myself as I was coughing my lungs out a few months after the shooter and some of his gang people finally got arrested. I was getting worse and I had to tell my family and friends, but how?

I sat up in bed trying to breathe as Tara walked in with a glass of water. The last time she went to the doctor’s with me, the doctors gave me some medicine. It was hard to hide taking them when the guys were still in town, but when they left a week later than planned Kennedy spent more time in her place skyping with Jensen. Misha and I had talked on the phone but he is always busy with work or helping his fans out with something when I am able to talk.

“Nicole, you need to tell everyone,” Tara said as I took a sip of water. “How would you feel if I was as sick as you?”

“I would want to know, but I don’t want everyone to act like I’m dying and that I only have months to live,” I said lying back down in bed. “What time is it?”

“10, you were already asleep when I got home with dinner at 6,” she said as Miles came in with egg drop soup. “May help your cough,” she said as I sat up and took the bowl.

“You have been coughing a lot more lately, what’s wrong?” Miles asked as he watched me eat. I took a sip and looked up at Tara.

“I know Misha gave you his number to call if something happens to me or anyone, so before I tell you promise you won’t go calling him,” I said as I started to cough again, but this time it was because the soup went down the wrong way.

“I’m not promising anything but he should know,” Miles said crossing his arms as he stood at the foot of my bed glaring at me.

Tara looked down at me and we both turned to him. “Aww,” we said at the same time. “Trying to be the caring cousin that I never knew about until months ago,” I said as I handed Tara my empty bowl. “Well, I’m going to be the stubborn cousin and won’t tell until you promise,” I said sitting up more and crossing my arms like he did.

“Fine, I promise I won’t go running to Misha, unless it is something he should absolutely know,” Miles said looking mad now.  This is the one thing that stands out the most about Miles; he really cares about his family and friends. If something is going on that someone else should know about he tells, he doesn’t like to keep secrets from others so this one would be hard for him to keep if he goes through with his promise.

“For a year now I have been fighting lung cancer, I just got put on meds after months of being under control of it myself but the smoke here isn’t helping any,” I said.

“What? You never told us?” he yelled. “Aren’t we family? How long have you known Tara? Also, how do you have lung cancer when you never smoke?”

“Tara has known since the first day I found out I have it. She went to the doctors with me one day after classes at school. I had been feeling really bad that week and coughing nonstop for weeks leading up to it. At first we thought I was coming down with a cold or alleges were acting up. When we found out it was lung cancer I told that doctor that I never smoked before and they said it was from living in a house with a heavy smoker who smoked three or more times a day,” I explained. “Are you going to tell Misha?”

“No, but I should. The poor guy should know, he has done so much for you and your pay him back by keeping a big secret like this from him? The guy is head over heels in love with you!”

“I haven’t told him yet because I don’t want him to drop everything and give up his job just because a girl he knows is ‘dying’! And he is not in love with me, we are just really good friends,” I snapped at Miles. I looked over at Tara and she held up her hands as in saying “Don’t’ pull me into this.”

“If you are just really good friends then why did this come today?” Miles threw a piece of mail at me. I grabbed it from the bottom of my bed and opened it. Five plane tickets and a letter fell out into my lap.

“There are pictures too!” Tara yelled grabbing them from me as she jumped into bed beside me in my twin size bed, almost making me fall out of bed.

“How did you know about this? Why are you going through my mail?”

“I didn’t, he called me to find out when would be a good time for you girls, his sister, and I to come up and see them,” Miles said with a look of a know it all. “Miles1, Nicole 0,” he said as I looked down to the letter and started to read as Tara flipped over a picture she was looking at.

Dear girls,

Been awhile since we have seen you guys and skype doesn’t count Kennedy. We have been talking about you guys so much that everyone around us have been wanting to meet you and they surprised us with the money to buy you girls tickets to Canada to come to the site of the show and see us. I know it may be hard to miss school for a week or work in Kennedy’s case so I talked with Miles and have the dates for in two weeks during spring break. Can’t wait to see you all.

Love,

Team Free Will

 Tara handed me the picture and it was of the guys having a snowball fight two against one, against Misha. I looked up at Miles and wanted to slap him. “I have a doctor’s appointment during spring break that I can’t miss! The only one after that that I could have is in two months!” I yelled at him.

“Maybe they can come home in stead and we could go back with them,” Tara said looking at the picture some more. “He also sent you this,” she said handing me a small stone heart on a keychain.

“Call tomorrow and change it, you need to tell him before it gets any worse,” Miles said looking down at me. “You would be mad if he did the same thing you are doing now. Don’t even lie about it because you know I am right.”

I lay back in bed and pulled the covers over my head. “I so hate you today!” I yelled as I started to cough again. Tara got up and pushed Miles out of the room and closed the door in his face and went to the bathroom for her shower. I lay in bed until noon that day holding the stone and finally dragged myself out and called the doctors.

I was told to call back the next day when I could talk to my doctor and I ended up spending the whole day sitting in the window looking out on to the front road. I imagined seeing Misha driving up in his Jeep and dropping me off like he did the first time we went out to eat. Everyday I set at least an hour aside to set in this window and think about him. Even though I say or try to act like we are just friends, I can tell that somewhere down deep inside I care about him more than any of my other friends. Miles is right, I should tell him. But how and when?