Keeping Her Safe

Telling Kennedy

 “Well you should have told him before he got the tickets,” the doctor said before I hung up. Yeah, like I knew he was going to get them any way! I thought as I threw the phone across the room as Tara walked in with her arms full of books and papers.

“Nicole, that is the 3rd phone in the past two months! Why do you have to break every phone we have when you get mad?” she asked dropping the stuff in her arms on the table in front of me. I hid my face in my hands as Tara moved around the apartment. It had been a long day and I was getting tired faster as the days went on. Tara stopped moving and looked over at me and sat down with a can of Mountain Dew for me.

“Are you OK?” she asked as I took the can and put it down on the table in front of us.

“You won't believe me if I said yes,” I said as I looked up and saw the picture of Misha and me hiking before he and Jared and Jensen left. “I have just been really tired lately. I feel somewhat weaker as the days go on, today has been the most I have done in a long time,” I confessed. I looked up at Tara as she rested her hand on my shoulder and hugged me.

“Please don't get mad at me, but you should tell him. What if you died before you told him? Do you really think he wouldn't be torn up about it all? If you don't tell him for his own good then you should tell him to put your own mind to rest with all of this worrying,” Tara said.

“I just don't want him worrying all the time and freaking out every time I have a cough attack or can't breath or end up in the hospital,” I said not hugging her back.

“What do you think will happen when he finds out you are in the hospital no matter what?” Tara snapped as she let go of me. Before Tara could say anything else Kaitlin ran into the room. We jumped up as she stared at the scared looking Kaitlin.

“What happened?” I asked scared.

“Clair is in town and Jared is with her,” She said breathing hard.

“You scared the crap out of me! Why would you come running in and scare the shit out of me?” I asked mad now.

“Sorry, but if Jared is in town then that means Misha and Jensen are too,” Kaitlin snapped. “I know you are sick, I saw you taking medicine the other day and I have great eye sight. I saw what the pills were for! I am not happy that you haven't told anyone this but I thought it would be kind of me to give you a heads up that he might be in town,” she said mad and left.

“Kaitlin! Wait, come back! We need to talk!” I yelled running out the door but ran into Kennedy.

“What's going on?” Kennedy asked confused as she dropped her bag by the front door. I turned to Tara and she nodded. Well while everyone is here why don't I tell them, just one step closer to putting this rest.

“I need Kaitlin first, she needs to hear this and why I haven't told anyone else about this,” I said walking away to the kitchen.

“What are you talking about Nicole, what is going on?” she said getting louder. I didn't want anymore yelling or drama and the faster I get this done the faster I can get some peace in quite.

“Can you just help me find her? I just need you two in the same room, I have to do this, trust me on this,” I said as Tara stood in the middle of the din saying nothing and doing nothing as I tried to get Kaitlin back in the room.

We looked for Kaitlin for almost an hour but couldn't find her and went back to my place. “Can you please tell me what is going on?” Kennedy said rocking in her seat. At least I didn't have to tell her that she should sit down.

“There is no easy why to say this and I know you will be mad so please let me speak before you say anything,” I took a deep breath and looked over at Tara as she nodded at me. Kennedy looked at us both and looked scared. “I have lung cancer and I am dying, I might have less than a year left at the rate of the spreading.”

“How long have you known?” she asked looking as white as a ghost.

“I have had it for over a year now and found out at my last visit about have about a year left,” I said softly as I tried not to cry. Kennedy stood up and hugged me and took me by surprise. “Aren't you mad at me for not telling you before?”

“I am mad but someone once told me that you may never know how long you have with someone before they are gone from your life. I am just glad you told me before it was really too late to tell me,” Kennedy said crying on my shoulder.