Grief

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I open my eyes to see a massive belly Jesus Christ how long was I out for.

"Ah your awake" Brenda says.

"What happened" I ask.

"Well you weren't coming with us and we had to inject you with something that makes you pass out but we didn't realise you'd be out this long" she says.

"How long?" I ask.

"Nearly 5 months" she says.

"What!" She nods.

Then I remember what happened to newt.

"Where is he please tell me he made it" I say.

"Yn I'm so sorry but you saw him I'm really really sorry but he's gone" she says.

I sob.

"No please please he can't be I never got to marry him or he never got to see his kid" I say in between sobs.

I walk outside and see Minho I run up to him and hug him.

"He's gone he's gone he can't be" I say.

He rubs my back.

"I know I know shh it's okay" he says.

"No I have to have this baby without the love of my life" I say sobbing.

(Btw Teresa didn't die)

"Yn" I hear Teresa say.

I turn around and she hugs me.

"I know I'm so sorry" she says.

T I M E. S K I P

it's been a month since I woke up and found out about newt.

I'm 7 months now and the grief plus the hormones of the pregnancy are making it hard to even get up in the morning.

Brenda wants to try this thing called an ultrasound Machine to see the baby so I say okay.

"Omg Yn" she says.

"Yeah" I ask "is everything okay?" I say panicking.

"Everything's great your having twins!" She exclaims.

"What I can't do this without newt" I say.

"Everyone will help you I promise" she says.

She leaves me to process it.

I can't do this without newt I know I can't.

I need him.

So I do the only thing I can think of and write.

Hey lizard
I hate you for leaving me with TWINS!! Yes we are having twins and you left me you piece of klunk I really need you and miss you why did you have to leave we had a plan newtie we were meant to have these babies and you would propose we would get married and have more kids and we would live happily ever after but you died on me you were the only person here for me and you died I need you newtie I really need you.
i Love you until the end of my existence
Love y/n/n xx

I finish the letter and wipe the tears away I walk out and see Thomas.

"Hey shortie you okay?" He asks.

"Nah but I'll live I just wish I had something from newt that shows he's still here" I say.

"Yeah actually you do he left you this before he died" he says and hands me a necklace.

I open it and see a note I go to room and sit to read it.

Dear my love
I am so sorry that I've had to leave like this I promise if I could make it turn out another way I would and I swear to you I'm still here I will love our babies till the end of time and the reason I'm saying our babies is because I've been having this dream where you have the baby and it's 2 one boy one girl and you let me name the baby girl and you named the boy they were Ivy-rose and Luke anyway Ivy looks like me and Luke looks so much like you so anytime you see Ivy think of me I love you baby and I will see you soon I promise
I love you forever my love
Lots of love from your lizard xx

I am fully sobbing now I can't breathe I really wish he was here.

I go to sleep.

Next morning
I can't stop thinking about newt I'm trying to do my best to eat sleep drink and wash all regularly for the babies but it's so hard.

i think once you finally wrap your head around the love of your life dying thats when the grief hits you hard.

i really need to move on thats what newt wouldve wanted.

all i keep seeing and hearing is pity.

i dont want pity i want newt back.

but i know thats just not possible.


A N 
ahhhh i feel like im going through the grief with yn how is she gonna tackle twins by herself while im writing this i have call me maybe blasting lol
Word count-735
short chapter ik 

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