Silver-Lining (Ghost Riley x Reader)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world." I read in a book filled with poems. Every now and then that single quote runs through my mind. Should I be more forgiving? Should I move forward instead of backward? Leaving behind the girl I used to be behind, meant leaving behind the memories. It meant leaving behind the process I've had to change. Do I want to so easily forget that girl? I was the spark to fire, rage erupting in flames and letting no one hurt me. It was who I used to be.

Do I throw that girl away as I did my past? The past where my father molded me into becoming like him. The smell of liquor wafting off his jacket when he came back from the bar those late nights, barely speaking a word to my mother and me. He was always around but was never there emotionally. My mom only could ever make excuses for him, claiming how much she loved him. I knew the love wasn't there. I saw the resentment even as a little girl. I knew the only reason they stayed in that shitty marriage was because of me. But even then, I knew they used me as an excuse because they could never leave each other.

I remember at the age of sixteen, begging my mom to divorce him. The sounds of objects being thrown against the wall due to my mother's fit of rage booms so loudly in my ears that even eleven years later, I could still hear it perfectly. Maybe I got my rage from her and my lack of control over my emotions from my father.

Each time my father looked me in the eyes, I saw nothing. I never saw love or admiration. I could still hear him telling me I was never good enough. How he would get into a fit of rage when I didn't have the perfect grades.

The minute I graduated was the minute I left. I left it all behind me. I either decide to laugh about it or forget it. I figured if I made jokes it would hurt a little less. I felt awful for leaving my mom. I didn't know if my parents were alive or dead. I had hoped my mom would come in contact with me, but she never did.

Maybe if I learned to forgive, I could forgive everyone. I knew forgiveness doesn't come easy. It's a long stretch and an even longer process.

Even as I'm sitting in the grassy field, the sunlight crawling on my skin and leaving a trail of warmth, I still couldn't find peace. "What are you doing out here?"

A large shadow blocked me from the sunlight. I looked up to see Ghost standing in front of me. "Enjoying the weather, I guess." I looked away from him, staring out into the abyss, watching the blades of grass sway with the movement of the warm breeze.

"We have another location on Graves. He wasn't at the site but he left his dog tags." Ghost informed me. "I just want this to be done and over with." I sighed, bringing my knees close to my chest. "Yeah, and you can get a one-way ticket back to the States." Ghost grumbled as he sat down beside me. "Wouldn't be so bad," I said.

I could feel him staring at me. He let out a soft sigh. I turned to look at him to see him removing his mask. We were pretty far from the house in a secure area so Ghost wouldn't be seen. "Welcome back, Simon." I smiled softly.

The sun reflected perfectly on his face, highlighting his beautiful features. He lay down on his back, closing his eyes. My eyes traced his features, soaking it all in. My eyes scanned his stubble and the small scars on his face. I smiled softly at his restful state. I wanted so badly to press my lips against his but instead looked away.

"You have the option to stay here." He spoke up, disrupting the peaceful silence. "Price said you could stay on Task 141." He added.

"I can't leave my squad. I promised them I would come back." I told him. Actually, I promised Ace. The day I left I made sure to say goodbye to all of them. I made sure to say goodbye to Emilio, promising I would come back. I couldn't break that promise. "Who do you think is leading the squad at this very moment?" Simon asked me.

I let out a soft sigh. "More than likely, Brawns," I said. Brawns was the strongest of the group. 6'5 and two-hundred and twenty-plus pounds made purely of muscle. If he fought a bear, he would more than likely win. He had many tattoos, all of them were dragons since he loved them.

"Do you think he is leading them to successful missions?"
"Yes."
Simon sat up, leaning forward, his brown eyes looking into mine. The black face paint around his eyes was smudged and slightly wearing off. "Then you don't have to feel so responsible for them all the time."

"It's not about being responsible, it's about keeping a promise I made." I moved back a little, looking in the other direction. It was more about the promise. It was everything. It was the memories of Simon and I that chipped away at my heart, leaving me unable to fully get over what we had. It was the memories of Emilio running around the house like a child. His deck of cards still remained on the table in the same position he always kept them.

"The promise was bullshit. Admit it, it's more to it than that." Simon tugged his mask back on, covering up his face and leaving only Ghost. "What would you like for me to say?"

"How you feel. How deep down you despise me for breaking things off."
"I'll heal," I spoke nonchalantly. "Will you? Because you were the one who said to pretend we were never anything and that is what I'm doing." He spoke defensively.

"Congrats, I would give you a cookie if I had one." I spoke sarcastically. "Look, I know I said that and I don't know how to feel about any of this. I want to be your friend and I just want to forget." I spoke more seriously this time. "I don't." Ghost said.

"Did I really used to make you vulnerable?" I asked, my voice getting a little smaller. "You still do." Ghost stood up and dusted himself off. "Don't stay out here for too long, soldier." He turned around and walked off. I let out a soft sigh as I lay backward, the soft bed of grass tickling my back slightly through the thin fabric of my tan shirt.

I closed my eyes, the sun seeping through my eyelids. My eyes began to feel heavier as the comfort began to take over, allowing me to drift off.

My eyes were shut and I could feel a fuzzy blanket beneath my palm. I rubbed my hand across the blanket feeling the soft blades tickle my smooth palm. My eyes opened as I looked at the room I was in. Band and horror movie posters clung to the walls and pictures of me and my friends clung to a wire. "My room," I muttered as I stood up.

It had been years since I'd been in here, yet everything was mapped out so perfectly. My CDs were placed in a neat stack on my dresser. My bed wasn't even made, the blankets thrown messily on top.

The sound of a loud crash startled me as it erupted into my ears. The sounds of my parents' inaudible screams went back and forth. I opened the door, the screams growing louder. I walked into the living room to see a broken mug and spilled coffee on the ground. The picture frame that had been knocked down was broken, and the picture of my parents and I smiling soaked up the coffee, the brown liquid destroying it.

My mom reached for a picture, chucking it my dad's way and I couldn't help but laugh. They didn't notice my presence as they went back and forth. As annoying as their screams were, I couldn't find it in me to care about it much anymore.

I was shaken awake, my eyelids fluttering open. Ghost kneeled beside me, his grip on me was right. I sat up seeing that the sun was setting. "You fell asleep." Ghost pointed out the obvious. "Shit," I grumbled as I stood up with Ghost's help. "You seemed a little... Agitated while you were sleeping." He told me.

"How long did you watch me sleep before deciding to wake me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Less than a second." He said quickly. I laughed a little, shaking my head. "The staring has to stop," I told him, laughing a little. "It's hard not to." He picked up his pace, walking slightly faster.

"Wait! Now elaborate on that!" I sped up quickly, hearing Ghost chuckle.