Our Little Home

8

"Aravind, just stop lying for godsake! Just stop!"

Sivaanya stood up quickly and stood in front of Aravind, making him feel scrutinised. It was evident she reached all limits of patience. Her heart began racing loudly, which made her take shorter breaths. The eyes that previously held galaxies were now shooting daggers at him. Tears pooled in the corner of her eyes, waiting to fall out.

"For how many more days? Huh! How long are you going to pretend that everything is alright and that you are exactly the same. I give up! I cannot do this anymore."

"I don't know if you understand this basic concept but for things to change, you accept it and allow them to change. Holding on to it and completely denying it is of no use."

She immediately walked back inside and got a bunch of papers, before slaming them loudly on the table.

"Do you realise how hard it is for the people around you to see their Aravind like this? Not just me! There isn't a single day that has gone by without Pugazh and Rakshan anna's calls, where they are constantly checking in on your wellbeing. "

"I'm done with my efforts going down the drain. Have a look at these papers. They are all about you. Your symptoms that meet with the criteria for depression, how I can help you as a wife after a job loss, what are the ways to naturally reduce depression. And was there any use? Absolutely none!"

"This is a 2 way road but I have been driving towards a dead end for the longest time. I tried to establish a routine but of course! you wouldn't listen. I tried to make you eat better- we all know what happened there."

"I'm tired of being the only one who is making efforts to get things back to normal.  Na thana da? Why are you so hesitant to talk about your feelings to me? What am I missing here? Enna nambalaya? Ennaku puridhu- it's really hard to open up and speak about it but if not now,  then the damage is going to be irreversible."

"Our relationship is sinking and it's so exhausting to be the only one who is trying to make this ship float. When was the last time we hugged? When was the last time we smiled at each other? You don't even have time to realize I haven't been calling you Aravindey these days. Enga, your mind is so preoccupied with how to fake it in front me that you don't bother to realize the small changes."

At this point, tears streamed down without a stop. Her face was alarmingly red, that it worried Aravind, but he stood like a statue, processing this breakdown. 

A wave of emotions settled in again as she screamed, "Ennala innimey mudiyathu"

"That's it! I give up. I can't be the only one who is putting efforts. I'm losing myself, you are losing yourself and this is not going to work. If you have any intentions of making this house a home again,  come see me in the room. Otherwise, let's just be like this and in another 5 or 10 years, we will go from being partners to roommates"

And just like that,  she was out of Aravind's vision. He felt like he belonged to different dimension. Her words trigged a travel down the memory lane, where he began reminiscing events that didn't come to his attention, as he was in experiencing this new and vague feeling of numbness. 

" The tiny note: I know everything is not alright, but I promise to stay by your side! So don't put your little brain to work and let's just go with the flow, taking each day as it comes. I love you and I stole my kisses!"

"Aravind ma, please!"

"Aye, na than podhum podhum nu solren la! Imsai panama po. Chumma noi noi-nu"

"Strawberry Juice or Apple Juice?"

The memories didn't stop there, as he began recalling how absent he was in their lives and relationship, soon realizing the effect it had on her. 

The way she began rising early, the way she began cooking all courses of their meals, the way she started sleeping late because she had to finish her educational tasks, the way she began involving herself in other chores, the way she would try to crack jokes to lighten the atmosphere. 

"Aravind, there is no one but her in your life. Resort and seek solace in her. Maybe this feeling of numbness can disappear. Try it!" his conscience spoke loudly. 

"But you are just going to burden her further, as if the baggage you come with was not enough." another voice spoke, louder and bolder. 

At the verge of giving in and deciding to continue to stay mum, he felt a pair of eyes, looking at him filled with expectations and hope. Maybe that gave him the confidence that disappeared in the last few weeks to step inside the room and stand in front of her, to softly whisper in her ears- "I'm ready"

His back met with the soft mattress as Sivaanya tackled him down in happiness because she had no hopes that he would want things to return to normalcy. 

Few minutes passed by, as she sat with her back against the bed, while he settled comfortably in between Sivu, not before sliding down a bit as she complained she could see nothing but his back.

"Open up, ma! It's only me, only us!"

Just as Aravind began to speak, Sivaanya started to caress his hair. 

"Honestly, I don't know if I can describe what I am feeling in words. The first few days, there was an immense feeling of guilt. Guilt of letting go of this job that helped me leave the orphanage and build a life for myself. As days passed by, I started feeling numb. I didn't have any motivation to get out of bed, to workout- I only wanted to sleep. Food didn't look desirable and there was this constant want to stay alone and seclude myself."

"I didn't recognize myself when I looked in front of the mirror. It felt like I lost Aravind, but I knew where I last saw him. I couldn't control anything in life, it felt like suddenly I was under the control of someone."

"It was like I was on a sinking ship, I knew how to sail and prevent the ship from sinking but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Juggling between wanting to save the ship and wanting to let the ship drown, I couldn't focus on what was happening around me and how I was affecting the people around me." His eyes welled with tears, while he tightly fisted his hand to prevent those precious drops from falling. A clog present in his throat, suffocating him.

"I'm so.....so sorry, Sivu ma! I didn't realize how this was affecting us and you. Looking back now, I under....understand how stressful it would have been for you to do this all alone. I'm sorry I....I didn't think about you. I'm sorry I didn't keep up my promise of waking you up with kisses everyday. I wasn't there to give you moral support when you needed it the most. It's been long since we communicated like a healthy couple. I'm...I'm really sorry!" he finished slowly. Words struggled to leave his mouth, as his breathing became shallow with all the tears that ran down. 

Sivaanya held his hand and pulled him into a hug. She couldn't hold back from crying. The situation was too distressing: there was a conflict between the myriad of emotions she was feeling that made the scenario much more overwhelming. 

It felt like she was home after years in his embrace, feeling his racing heartbeat and the warmth his body radiated. Their hugs in the recent days felt so forced and to have something so organic made the little teenager in her bloom, as she felt butterflies. 

She apologized once more and insisted that they close this chapter of their life and start writing a new one, keeping in mind only the lessons gained. 

Their eyes met and conveyed infinite stories of their own. There was a sense of rejuvenation they felt. The world had silenced, it was just them with their perfectly imperfect faces that had turned red, snotty noses, teary eyes and a wide smile that had disappeared for the longest time.

Aravind caught her lips for a kiss, pushing her down to the bed while pulling the duvets over them. He pulled out just to whisper an I love you, which she reciprocated and again brought her in for a kiss.

The reflection of the moon on the gushing waves of the ocean looked happier, as it witnessed the emotional reunion of the couple that spent most of their days lost in each other under its beam of light and had written the coziest romances of their book with the moon as their sole witness. 

xxx
Heellloo!!
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