Suppression

A Difficult Conversation

"What does He do in the nightmares?" Hermione spoke first.

"They're just memories," Harry nonchalantly replied while hoping Hermione wouldn't dig deeper.

"Memories of what?" Hermione pressed on.

He gritted his teeth in response but calmed down enough when he noticed her slight fearful look at him. Immediately, he felt guilty at his attitude towards her and shot her a pained smile.

"Just of last year," he admitted without going into details.

Hermione sensed his unwillingness to talk and dropped the conversation. She watched as Harry sat down on his now clean bed and patted the spot next to him. She wasn't expecting his invitation but nearly bolted over to sit next to him, enjoying the resulting closeness.

"I got your letter, I don't have an answer for you," he tiredly spoke.

The girl's heart sunk slightly but she perked up because it wasn't an outright rejection of her request. She was determined to get her friend back and took his hands into her own, forcing him to look at her.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I..." she was interrupted when Harry waved his hand to her.

"Nothing to be sorry about. You don't owe me anything, I was just being a berk," he swept his hands through his hair, "I'm still a bit hurt, though."

"I know that," she rubbed his knuckles, "but I really want to be friends again. The last year has been miserable without you."

He raised his eyebrows at her before looking at her in confusion. "I thought you and Ron went to the ball together."

Hermione cringed at the memory of that night and shook her head free of it. "We did, it wasn't nearly as nice as I wanted it to be," she sighed, "the only thing we had in common was...you."

Harry wanted to be surprised at her confession but knew the truth of it. He didn't know how she ended up liking Ron when all the boy did was belittle her interests and argue with her. But, if she truly did like Ron, then he wasn't going to get in the way of that, even if it hurt him to see them together.

"You're not surprised," Hermione noticed.

He chuckled wryly and patted her lap. "Ron is..." he paused to find the word, "a one interest guy."

"What's the one interest?"

"Quidditch," he joked with a wry smile.

Hermione was reduced to a light chuckle at the joke but felt her guilt come back in waves. She'd thrown away a perfectly amazing friendship for a boy who was only interested in quidditch. Brightest witch of her age indeed.

"Don't blame yourself, I'm sure you actually liked him," he interrupted her thoughts, "and I'm sure you guys will find a way to be together when he does eventually grow up."

She was surprised at that from Harry but questioned why he seemed supportive of her pursuit of Ron. It only meant one thing, it meant that he had given up on her. The thought of that shouldn't have hurt her as it did but it stung her heart slightly. It was all so confusing to her because she only wanted his friendship back. Now, as he seemed to shut down the prospect of ever having something more with her, she felt downcast. He didn't know that she tried and failed to pursue a relationship with Ron.

"Does anyone else know of your nightmares?" she questioned to change the topic and rid the stinging in her heart.

He stiffened slightly, a fact that wasn't lost on her, before responding, "No. And I'd like to keep it that way," he lied.

"But why?" She asked once again before thinking better of it.

"I just want to, alright," he told her seriously.