Suppression

Broken Souls

"You two kids go to bed, we have a long day tomorrow," Sirius commanded Harry and Hermione once dinner was finished. He stood up with Remus and beckoned the kids to follow.

"Your rooms are opposite each other and should do just fine. Do forgive me, I haven't redecorated in ages," said Remus as he led the kids through his house.

Unbeknownst to him, Harry and Hermione shared a pained look. They REALLY did not like the idea of sleeping separately, especially since both of them knew what sleep would bring to them. Harry spoke first, "Remus, Sirius. Can Hermione stay with me tonight?" he asked, wincing at the way the words sounded in the open air.

"What?" both men answered at the same time, sounding surprised instead of affronted. "Err...Harry, I don't particularly think that's a good idea, you are much too..." Sirius started before Remus interrupted with a short clear of his throat. "Well, Harry. Err, why?"

"I don't want to be alone tonight," Hermione answered for the boy, her voice sounding small. She almost pulled herself into a shell as she stood next to Harry with their hands clasped. She laid her head on his shoulder, willing the memories of her parents' death away from her.

"Okay," Lupin easily replied with softened eyes and a small smile. He nodded to Sirius who looked reluctance but nonetheless empathetic to Hermione. "Good night, you two," the two men turned to leave to their own room, "I've left some clothes for you two in both your rooms. Feel free to retrieve them." Remus shot them another soft look and entered his room, Sirius following behind.

Almost as if it were painful for her, Hermione let go of Harry's hand and left to her own room. Harry watched her go before entering his room and changing out of his transfigured clothes. Too tired to properly store them, he threw them aside before putting on the t shirt and pajama shorts left on his bed by Remus. When he finished, he sat on his bed and waited for his girlfriend to return.

He shuffled his feet and twiddled his thumbs as he waited but his concern started to rise when Hermione didn't return to him. He tried to tell himself that she was okay and that he was overreacting but his heart rate began to increase until it was pounding against his chest rapidly. His ears had just begun to ring and his body twitched in concern when he quickly left his room to enter Hermione's.

Upon entering, he nearly broke down when he saw her. She was huddled up in the far corner, the soft light of the moon shining over her and giving her body a gentle glow. He could faintly make out her shuddering sobs as her body shook with the force of them and he knelt in front of her. Creeping his way to her, he came to sit right next to her and placed her head on his shoulder. His own tears were hot and stung against his face. He begged and pleaded for anything to rid her of her pain but he knew this was something she would have to confront on her own.

"Harry, it hurts so much," she cried out. She hugged him sideways and whimpered into his neck, her tears gradually soaking through his skin and shirt. Her very soul was hurting at the simple thought of her parent. She'd mentally remarked that her clothes looked a bit like the sleepwear she used to wear at her home and that was enough for her to be broken down into painful sobs when the memories of her home life came back.

"I know, I know." What else could he say to her? He was sobbing too, his much more quiet and reserved than hers. He knew he needed to be strong for her but it was impossible for him not to weep for her. He was trying to be strong but she was always the pinnacle of strength to him. Calm, cool, composed Hermione who never once shied away from anything. He didn't know how to get that side of her to return again. He didn't know how to be strong if she wasn't, but resolved to try anyway.

"We have each other," he finally said, taking care to keep his voice steady. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I promised you that it will stop hurting one day and it will. It will," he promised with a gulp afterwards. He took a moment to blink back his tears and smoothed out her hair. "One day, you'll be able to remember them and you won't cry. You won't sob. Instead, you'll remember them fondly. You'll smile and laugh at the memories and you'll cherish them forever." He dropped a kiss on her forehead as she continued to wail against him. It was breaking him to hear her weak sobs but he held onto her tightly, wordlessly repeating his earlier declaration.

"It just hurts so much, Harry. I'm so tired," she snuggled closer to him, almost placing herself in his lap, "I just want this pain to end."

"I need you to know that it will. I know it hurts, I know you feel like there's nothing worse than this and maybe there isn't, but the pain will stop. Your parents are in a wonderful place and they're looking down at you with wonderful smiles on their faces. They're so proud of you, so proud of the woman you've become, and so proud of the woman you will be," he told her as he picked her up bridal style when he rose to his feet and carried her to her bed before laying next to her. She rolled over to look at him and he propped his head up on one hand while using the other to caress her cheek.

Harry watched as Hermione's eyes fluttered close under his ministrations before finally laying back next to her. She scooted to him and rested her head on his chest with her hand fisting his shirt. He tentatively let his own arm wrap around her, taking care not to disturb her. He removed his glasses with his free hand and placed them on the nightstand before letting his hand come up to continue stroking her cheek. She sighed as her breathing evened out, eventually falling asleep moments later.

He resolved to keep watching her as she slept just in case a nightmare woke her up. He took his time in memorizing every detail of her face and hair while he watched her. He spotted the soft smattering of freckles that adorned her high cheekbones and the long lashes that extended just beyond her eyes. He let his gaze wander further upwards until it met the golden brown curls he adored. Her hair was, like her, completely independent and untamable. He remembered the myriad of complaints he was forced to listen to during their time as friends and chuckled softly.

She shifted in her sleep but looked serene as she slept, he noticed. Her breathing was gentle, barely audible unless he actually tried to listen. Her grip on his shirt was still as tight as ever but he didn't mind. He was glad to be her support. He was glad to be the one thing he wished for in his childhood and never got. If she felt safe and comfortable in his arms, then that was more than enough for him.

Harry knew he wasn't long for the land of dreams when he tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Gently, he rolled to his side, keeping Hermione tucked against him as he did so, and laid his head down. He breathed in her scent, allowing it to lull him even further into relaxation before planting a kiss into the mass of curls on her head. When she snuggled closer into his body, he let his eyes fall closed for the night.