Porn Star

Confessions

D e v y n

"I'm having a great time with you." Michael smiled.

I stopped stuffing my face with the biscuits that sat on the table and returned his kind smile. "I'm enjoying this too."

Michael had insisted on taking me out to some low key restaurant on the outskirts of town. It was discreet and classy.

I learned a lot about Michael during the appetizer. I learned he owns quite a few gyms. He's going to be 30 in October, and he's never had much success in relationships.

"Buffalo Chicken tenders, cajun fries, and ranch dipping sauce for the lady, and steak and mashed potatoes for the man." The waiter sat our plates down and left.

My mouth salivated at the deliciousness in front of me.

"Are you sure you can eat all of that?" Michael asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm eating for two now." I shrugged, although the doctor said the baby isn't much over 3 inches and probably weighs a little more than an ounce.

My stomach isn't in the showing stage yet, but I am slightly bloated at times.

"How many months are you?" Michael asked before taking a bite of his mash potatoes.

"3." I answered before taking another bite of my ranch covered chicken tender.

Michael nodded and looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face.

"What? Is there ranch on my chin?" I asked jokingly.

"No, I'm just trying to figure out why someone would get a beautiful girl like you pregnant and not stay around to see the child grow." He said.

I sighed. I knew the topic would be brought up. "Well, he's a busy person, I'm a busy person... He has other kids... I just ... I don't know why this is so complicated."

Why is it that August and I can never see eye to eye? Why is it that with every step we take, something or someone comes into the picture and pushes us back to the start?

"Did you love him?" Michael asks slowly, cautiously, making sure to leave a way for me to back out of the question.

Did I love August?

Deep down, I knew I had fallen in love with him. I knew that in the first few weeks of getting to know him. I had fallen in love with his struggle, his hustle, and with him as a whole. The way he pursued me in the beginning had drawn me into him.

I knew, deep down that I shouldn't have fallen in love with August. I knew when I saw him dancing with Olivia back during Chris and Tyga's album release party that August and I wouldn't work out. August can't handle settling down. I know this. He's had so many opportunities to sweep me up off my feet and ask me to be his girlfriend. He's had opportunities to see where we stand in this roller coaster of a relationship that we have. Would it even be called a relationship?

I knew I had taken the L. August had too much going on. August was an R & B singer who had thousands of woman throwing themselves at him. He was someone who would always cave in to temptation. I've been through so much in my life, I couldn't, better yet, I wouldn't handle that type of heartbreak.

"No." I tried to lie. The word felt bitter on my tongue. "I didn't love him," I tried again. My stomach churned, as if my tiny baby knew I was lying and didn't agree with me denying my feelings towards his or her father. "I'm still in love with him." I tested. The churning feeling faded away.

"Then why are you here with me?" Michael asked.

"I just..." I trailed off.. I wasn't sure of any thing any more. "I'm sorry." I pulled out my wallet and placed two fifty dollar bills on the table. "I'm sorry." I said again as I stood up. "I shouldn't have wasted your time." I apologized again as I pushed in the chair.

"You should go make things right with that guy. I could see it in your eyes how much you love him, he's a lucky guy." Michael pressed, standing up also.

I nodded and left the restaurant. I'm glad we drove separately or this would have been an awkward car ride home. I got into my Range Rover and pulled out my cellphone. I clicked his contact name and put the phone to my ear.

With each ring, my palms grew clammy.

With each ring, I felt the regret tug harshly at my heart.

With each r-

"Hello?" A tiny voice asked.

"Can I speak to August please?" I asked the little girl softly.

"Awgest... Oh , chu mean Daddy? Daddy is beeeezy. He gots ta clean the kit-chin, buuuut we can talk till daddy is aaaalllll finish. My name is Aniya Aaliyah Alsina. Whatchu name is?" Her little voice was full of animation and innocence.

I smiled, her voice bringing tears to my eyes. "My name is Devyn Marie Rose. I would love to talk to you, but how about I come over instead and we can talk face to face."

"Mmkaay. We can do that." She agreed. I pictured a cute little head nod as well.

We said our good byes and I hung up. I shook my head at my tear stricken face and grabbed a paper towel to wipe away the evidence.

Stupid hormones.

-

I knocked on the door three times. I waited a few seconds before knocking three more times and waiting.

After about a minute, I knew this was a dumb idea and decided to turn around and leave. I was almost down the last step on the porch when the door finally opened.

"Dev?" I turned to see August standing in the doorframe with only a pair of sweatpants. "Wha'chu doin' hea?"

"I called a while ago... I talked to Aniya... I wanted to see you." I walked back up to the door and shifted uncomfortably.

"You wan' come in?" He asked.

"No. It's late. I should've been aware of the time. I'm sorry for waking you." I hung my head low and chastised myself.

How could I have been so stupid?

"Dev, what's wrong wit'chu?" Aug asked. "Why you crying?"

I'll blame it on my hormones, but everything just poured out of me like a dam had broke and no longer filtered what was said out of my mouth.

"I fell in love with you. I knew it before we were even serious. I miss you calling me your baybeh mana in that sexy New Orleans accent. I miss how easily everything was between us. I wish you'd care about this child growing inside me as much as you care about Aniya. I hate that you don't share my feelings. I hate that I couldn't like a regular ass nigga and get pregnant by a regular ass nigga instead of you because I can't deal with this hot and cold bullshit we have together. I just-" I covered my mouth as I swallowed the sob inching up my throat. I wiped furiously at my eyes, but the tears fell even harder.

Here I am pouring my heart out to August, making a complete fool out of myself because I know he doesn't feel the same way.

I know he'll never feel the same way.

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😭 sobbing. Aww Dev.

Question :

Aug could respond a lot of ways , how do you think he will respond?

Irrelevant Question :

What is more attractive: a thug or a businessman ? A man who has tattoos covering his skin, a gold piece in his mouth, sags, and lives a dangerous life, or a man who works the 8-5 job in a CEO position, wears suits, has the clean shaven look with a perfect smile?