His Jars of Hyacinths (STYLE)

19

im so so sorry guys

POV: Kyle

i wake up to an aching pain in my head, as expected. groaning, i sit up to look around me.

i'm laying on the living room couch, Kenny passed out with his head on my legs. Stan is asleep upright on the floor by the wall.

it's still dark outside, as Cartman walks through from the kitchen, with a pissed off expression and a glass of water and pills.

he sees me awake, and rolls his eyes.

then i remember.

Stan kissed me? holy fucking shit dude, does that mean he likes me? my head hurts bro, was that a dream or what.

"Why are you red.." Cartman grumbles, taking a seat on the floor.

i shrug - like fuck i'll tell him. "Dunno."

Cartman frowns, then takes some pills with his water, shuddering at the taste.

i go to move my legs, accidentally kicking Kenny half off the couch, and he mumbles something before sitting up and glaring at me. i shoot him an apologetic look, and he just smiles softly.

"Morning Kinny." Cartman says, putting his glass down.

"Morning." Kenny responds, standing up and stretching his limbs.

maybe i was dreaming. god, it's so hot in here.

"Good morning," i hear Stan grumbling, causing me to look at him slightly suddenly, my heart fluttering. i hope it was real. it felt real.

"Morning Stan." i smile.

"What happened last night?"

oh. right.

he drank a ridiculous amount, he probably has holes in his memory.

...

"I don't remember much," i lie, giggling nervously.

"Cartman passed out instantly," Kenny starts, causing Cartman to glare daggers at him. "but I think we watched a movie. We laughed a lot, and then I fell asleep."

they all turned to me, expecting me to continue the story. "Oh, uh.." i start, "I got some water, and then... I think I passed out too." my cheeks heat up slightly - i don't want to announce our kiss to the group, especially if i just imagined the whole thing and was going delusional from this disease or something.

"I don't remember anything." Stan says, shrugging.

well shit.

my chest stings the familiar feeling.

"Sucks to be you, dude. You must feel like shit right now, you drank a lot." Kenny giggles, laying fully on the couch. Stan just rolls his eyes.

"Anyways, I'm gonna go get changed," i speak quite suddenly, getting up and grabbing my backpack.

Stan tilts his head in slight confusion, before speaking up, "Oh, okay, do you w-"

i leave the room and head to the bathroom, grabbing a fistful of tissue to cough up these flowers into.

i've learnt - it's easier to cough into something disposable instead of a sink, because with the sink, you'll have to scrub it clean with soap and water, but with the tissues, you can easily dispose of them.

three flowers i cough up, slipping them into one of my jars, and scribbling the date on with a sharpie before shoving it deep into the bottom of my bag.

i pull out some spare clothing, and start to change. i wear my trousers, then throw on a quick t-shirt, suitable for the hot weather.

i freeze.

what the fuck is that..

staring at my arm, i look at it in shock, trailing down my veins with my finger.

my lime-green veins.

"What the actual fuck," i mumble, watching the stem-like lines all over my arm. i check the other arm too - identical.

my veins look like fucking flower stems.

shit.

i rummage through my bag, searching for something, some long sleeves to cover my arms.

oh god oh god, i didn't pack for cold weather because it's fucking summer, it's boiling.

i don't want to steal any of Cartman's shit, thats gay. plus i hate him. maybe i could borrow Kenny's parka? no, he'd never give it up. maybe? if i explain...

or if i just leave.

i exit the bathroom arms crossed to hide the more obvious streaks of vibrant green trailing up my arms.

i swiftly walk into the living room where the other sit, talking. they all look up at me, and i walk right past.

"Gotta go - my mom wants me home now," i say, fumbling to put my shoes on and almost tripping over as i do so.

"Oh, now? Why? It's like..." Kenny glances over at the clock on the wall. "..six AM."

"You know how she is." i keep my back turned to the group as i fumble with the key in Cartmans door.

"You okay, dude?" Stan says, a confused expression on his face.

"Mhm."

the door clicks open, and i quickly step onto the porch.

"Bye!" i smile, slamming the door closed. i power-walk down the street before anyone can follow me, my heart racing as my mind wonders over the events of last night, and what led to this morning.

i can't believe i had a dream of kissing Stan. what would he think of me? he's my best friend, this is all wrong, everything about this is wrong.

i clench my fists tight, my nails leaving small, red crescent moon indents on my palm where they dig into my skin.

this is so stupid, and i can't believe i'm only on the waiting list for the doctors check-up. i've got a good few days before i can go in, and even then, what do i expect to happen?

is there anything i can do?

i could get the surgery, but i don't want my feelings for Stan to disappear. do i?

would it be easier if i never loved him at all?

i make it home, quietly sneaking inside and creeping up to my room, before collapsing onto my bed.

maybe i should skip school today. find a way to fix this... problem, that i have.

i can do this, i can find a solution. all i need to do is find a doctor, then find a cure. i can get the surgery, or make Stan love me.

i believe in myself, i can make this work. all it takes is some hope and determination.

so, let hope break me.

A/N
im so sorry for doing this to you guys

please forgive me👍

still debating if i'll make the ending a happy one or not lol, maybe i'll give them some trauma :3

either way, i hope you guys liked this update, anddddd i'll post the next chapter soon‼️ :D

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