All You Got

chapter 23

Luna

Damon messages me that he's outside, and I get out of the house, getting in the passenger's seat, greeting him with a kiss. I'm stiff though. I don't know how to bring up that conversation, but I have to.

"So, how's it hanging?" I say and immediately slap myself. Mentally. Obviously. Damon gives me a side-eye, since he's driving, to our spot, you got it, and snickers, repeating my question like he's confused.

I chuckle softly and he smiles at me, putting his hand on my thigh as he drives to the view, and soon enough we're here, looking over the whole Outer Banks.

"I missed you." he tells me and I find myself blushing, looking at him and going to his lap immediately. I want to be close to him.

He smiles at me.

"I missed you too." I caress his face and kiss him, before I remember what his mom said earlier today. And pull away.

"Is everything alright?" he caresses my hip softly and I take a deep breath.

"You should take the job."

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I cross my hands in front of me and keep my gaze to him. He looks at me, before he sighs, and shakes his head.

"Because I'm not going to take the job. I didn't think I had to since I'm saying no." he answers so normally, like it's not his dream we're talking about here.

"That's bull. You are." I say and he rolls his eyes.

"I don't want to, babe. I want to stay here." he tells me and I sigh, leaving his lap and going outside.

"Damon, you should take the job. That's what you want to do. Piloting it's your dream. You didn't fill the applications just so you won't go now." he follows behind me and his hands are crossed now, mine on both my sides.

"I'd rather stay here with you. My dream can wait." he says and my heart melts and breaks at the same time. I don't want him to put his dreams on hold for me, for anyone actually.

"You shouldn't, Damon." I find myself raising my voice for a single moment, and that catches him by surprise. Hell, I'd be lying if it didn't surprise me too.

"I can't let you stay here, knowing you'll regret not going now." I calm myself down and go closer to him, caressing his face softly, our gazes locked to one another and I watch as he gulps, the lump in his throat disappearing now.

"I won't regret it. We love each other, I'll be fine here. I'll be perfect here. With you." he caresses my hand, the one that's cupping his cheek, and I take a deep breath.

Plan Z.

"You won't be with me then." I exclaim and remove my hand from his face.

"What?"

"You heard me." I cross my hands, just so that I grip my arms, just so that I can hold myself together.

"It's because of the job, isn't it? Don't do this baby." his voice cracks and he coughs slightly.

"It's not because of the job... Well, not only because of the job. I..I've been feeling like this for a while. I think we should break up." I say it. And I want to hide. I want to take it back. But I shouldn't.

"What? Like hell we should." he yells and I stay unfazed, gripping my arms harder.

"You've been feeling like this for a while? Luna, what's going on?" he asks me, a vein on his neck and temple popping out. And he's not yelling now.

"Nothing's going on. I think we should end this. It was good while it lasted. It's not like we were going to get married or something." he raises his eyebrows in surprise and then takes a step back from me. I hate myself. I hate this. But he should follow his dreams.

"This is a joke, right?" I shake my head in denial and finally let my hands down, where his eyes go.

"I don't want to end this." he exclaims and takes a step closer again. And another one. Until we're chest to chest.

"I want to fight for you, for this, because this..." he points at me then him. "...this is worth it. You're worth it. You're worth everything, Luna." I gulp and look up to him, him staring at me already. My eyes are for sure watery, his are shining as well, and I take a deep breath, coming back to my senses.

"I don't want to, though." my voice trembles but I quickly recover.

He doesn't answer. All he does is staring at me, like he's trying to find the truth in what I'm saying. But he can't. Despite how much I don't want to do this, I have to let him go. He won't go because of me. His mom made it clear.

"So, that's it? That was only it?" his voice hints his disappointment, his sadness and I feel the same way. Exactly the same way.

I want to say no, I want to. I really, really want to. But I don't. Instead, I say "yes".

"At least, can I have a goodbye kiss?" he asks me and I chuckle sadly, as I sniff, feeling some tears running down my cheeks. All I do is nod, mumbling a "yeah", and he takes me right away, kissing me like I'm his whole world, like I'm his source of life. That's how it felt. His hand go to my waist while the other one is rested on my cheek and he deepens the kiss, before we pull away, and stare at each other. When suddenly he gets in the car, in an abrupt move, and I follow, him driving me home immediately.

The car ride's silent. I can feel him staring at me sometimes, for sure he can feel me too when he's looking away. I want to cry. I don't want to let him go. I don't.

"We're here..." he stops the car and brings me to reality at the same time, lost in my thoughts as I was, and I turn to look at him, finding him staring at me already.

"So...I guess this is it." I say and he stays silent, taking his gaze to his hands for a split moment before he looks at me again. I bite my lower lip in anxiety, as I feel his going to say something.

"I can't bring myself to letting you go, Lu..." he mumbles and my breath hitches, my eyes getting watery again.

"I didn't think it would last this soon, or it would end this ... absurdly." he comments on the way I broke up with him and that's fair. I didn't give him a reason. Simply because there wasn't a reason.

"I don't want to let you go, babe..." he caresses my face and tucks some hair behind my ear, a gesture he always does, which makes me melt in his arms. Like now, for example.

"But, I'm gonna respect your decision. As much as I don't understand it, to be honest. " he finishes and I take a deep breath.

"I don't understand what I did wrong." he looks at me like he's waiting for me to speak. And of course I'm going to defend him on that.

"You did nothing wrong. You're absolutely perfect, Damon. Always remember that." I hold his hand and he sighs loudly, running a hand to his face.

"Then what is it?" he yells for a split second, before closing his eyes to calm himself down.

"What is it, Lu?" he asks me but I can't bring myself to finding a good reason. Because there isn't any.

So, instead, I get out of the car, and rush to my place, ignoring him shouting my name. I shouldn't do this. I'm the worst person there is. I didn't give him a closure.

And I hate myself for that. It pains me.