Made for me

Chapter 8

My jog was basically me trying to run away from my internal battle. There were so many thoughts, and none of them were solutions. How frustrating.

I can not keep running. I will need to get done and go back to the apartment and face Zhan.

I decided that before I actually run myself into a medical emergency, I should head back.

When I got back, Zhan had moved to his room. I was both happy and sad because I really wanted to see his sleeping face again.

I decided to go knock. at his bedroom door just so I know he is OK.

"Zhan, can I come in? I just want to make sure you are OK?"

"Yes, you can come in."

His voice still sounded like he was in pain.

"Hey, you really look like you are in bad shape. Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

"No, I normally just sleep it off. I should be better by morning."

"You mean to tell me when you said you get headaches, you meant this?"

"Yeah, since I was young, i struggled with headaches, but I should be as good as new in the morning."

"Do you need anything? Is there something I can do for you?"

"No, I will just sleep it off after I take medicine."

Just the mention of medicine got me edgy again. And I felt like I was the only one feeling this way because Zhan was calm and unbothered.

"I don't know how many you can take a day because I had already given you 2 just over an hour ago."

"Oh, you did. Thank you. That explains why I don't feel as horrible."

"OK, let me let you sleep then. Give me a shout if you need anything."

"OK, I will....Yibo, before you leave, can I ask you something that has been bugging me?"

"Something is bugging you? That's a strong description."

"The thing is, you know that I am gay right? So there are just some things that you do that send very confusing  messages to me. Like you being overly attentive. I could list a few things, but those won't really matter if that is your nature. I just don't want there to be awkwardness between us, so I thought I should just ask."

"I really don't know how you think I act, dude. I am just trying to be accommodating to you. I just didn't want you to have a hard time. You don't know anyone else other than me, and Yubin, I guess."

"OK then, I guess I was just reading too much into your actions. Great, I am happy we cleared that. I will take a nap now."

"What about food?"

"Nah, I am ok, thanks."

"Bye."

I closed the door and felt that my chest was tight. I really just lied to him, and I could hear the disappointment in his voice. He did say that he will never go for a straight guy because he does not want to get hurt. So, I also want to protect him from my family complications.

Does this actually mean I like him? He is right. I do go above and beyond  to make him happy, I do things for him that I would never do for Jili. I think the reason I don't like Yubin is because I feel like he is a threat to me. Now I understand why Huiying is acting the way that she is. It's jealousy.

Am I really in love with a guy? I don't know, but I do want to know what it would feel like to go all the way with him.

Let me call Jili and Haikuan. It's time to go out. I need a destruction.