Made for me

Chapter 24

After the weird conversation with my parents, they left and went into their room. So we hardly saw them after that. When we did bump into them, they were acting strange. I don't even know how to describe it. They were not upset but looked worried. This was creating a rather uncomfortable feeling in both Zhan and I.

I was a bit sad about that because we were finally at a place where I was starting to enjoy being home. All I really wanted out of them was a yes or a no, just so that we know where we stand.

We stayed at my house until the afternoon and then I decided to leave. There was way too much awkwardness between the 4 of us, and I could tell Zhan was extremely uncomfortable.

I tried to wait for my brother to come back before leaving, but clearly, wherever they went with Yubin was way too much fun. He wasn't even answering the phone. So I just decided to send him a text and hoped he won't mind too much.

"Zhan, are you ready to go?"

"Oh, are we already going back?"

"Yeah, I am all done being here. I think we should give my parents their peace back by leaving. Why don't you want to go?"

"It's not that I don't want to go, I was just hoping we would try to talk to them one more time. Them not giving us an answer is making me feel uncomfortable. It would be better to get a no than them choosing not to say how they feel about our relationship."

"Zhan, that's my parents for you. The sooner you get used to their ways, the better."

"I get that, but I really feel like they do have an opinion. In all this, they just won't say. I think you should go talk to them again without me this time. They might say more of how they truly feel to you. Maybe they were just trying not to be too vulnerable with me around."

"Zhan, you are so hopeful. Maybe your parents are expressive of their feelings, but mine don't even know how they feel half the time to express it properly. I will try because you said to, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. I still need you to pack so that we can leave after lunch."

"OK, I will pack, but first go talk to them."

Did their answer really mean so much to him? He really wants an answer out of them.

"Can I get a dose of courage?"

I stood with my arms open so that he knew what I meant. He came into my arms as he does when there are just the 2 of us. He first gives me a gentle kiss and then a tight hug. I am really addicted to his touch. It really is soothing.

After a while, we parted ways, and I went to find my parents.

They were not hard to find. They were sitting in the garden, the same place we found my mom and brother when we arrived.

I guess they didn't expect me to come to them because they looked a bit startled by my presence.

"Mom, dad, can I talk to you guys for a minute?"

"Sure, what's up, son?"

I was already feeling discouraged because how could my dad ask me what's up like everything is fine?

"About our conversation earlier, I am not happy about your response. Rather, let me say we are not happy about the way that conversation ended. So I really would like to know your true feelings about my relationship with Zhan. You guys deflected the answer to Zhan's parents. As your son, it's not fair to me."

"Is it because we said we would go with whatever Zhan's parents say?"

"Yes, because it leaves us unprotected. Knowing how you really feel will at least tell us who is supportive of us and who is not. If you guys say no and they say yes, then at least we know to work extra hard for your approval and vise versa. Your silence tells us nothing about how you truly feel. Ultimately, your response won't change how we feel about each other, but what you both are doing leaves us both burdened with trying to guess how you truly feel. So I am would really love for you 2 to be honest with me."

"We both know that our inability to answer is very hard and confusing to you, but it wasn't meant to be a burden."

"Mom, how can it not be a burden not knowing whether you really approve or not?"

"Wait, let me finish talking. We gave you an opportunity to speak your mind. Can you do the same for us?"

"Sorry, ok. You can continue."

"The reason we couldn't answer was because we don't know Zhan well enough to say if he is good for you or not. You already know what happened with your brother. We were convinced that the only way to keep you safe from that happening to you was if we picked your partner. But it turns out we failed at that, too. It turned out we don't really know how to protect our sons or we don't know our sons at all."

"I believe even with everything you just said, you can still choose to support our decisions. In that way, even if it turns out to be the wrong decision, we can still lean on you for strength and not feel alone. We don't know what tomorrow will bring, but as we stand before you today, we want to be together and believe there won't ever be anyone we could love more than we love each other.  So, from what I am telling you now, how do you really feel?"

" Yibo, you seem to be head over heels in love with Zhan. You would even disown us if we don't support the 2 of you. To say no will mean to lose you. It all feels like dejavu to us. We have been here before, and it all brought so much hurt and pain and even....death. can you at least understand that?"

"I don't want to keep talking about my brother and his ex. I want to talk about me and Zhan. From what I can gather, your answer is no, but you are too scared to say it because you might lose me. Am I right?"

My heart was hurting from listening to them, but I am here not only for myself. It's for Zhan, too.

"No, not really. We are afraid to say yes, and then you get hurt. We would feel responsible for your hurt and feel like we couldn't protect you."

"When i was young learning to walk, you never stopped me from walking only because i would fall. You just made sure that even if I fell, you were there to kiss the pain away. My relationship with Zhan is the same, I may fall or i may not, but i need to know that you will be there to support me either way. I have already said yes to him, I have already chosen him, I have already decided that it's him and one else. So you don't have to carry the responsibility of thinking you could protect me from my own decisions. Let me walk, please."

"It's the falling that scares us the most, son. But you are right. We can not choose to be cowards in a time you need us the most."

They exchanged looks, and I saw my mom nod at my dad.

"We approve of your relationship with Zhan. As much as we hoped that you would fall in love with a beautiful young lady, get married and give us beautiful grandkids, this is your choice, so we will support you. Just know that if he turns out to be a loser as well, we will break both of his knees and fire his dad for raising a bad son."

We all burst out laughing because we knew my dad was just trying to sound all powerful.

I leaped on them and hugged them both and kissed my mom on the cheek. I was so happy and felt free to love Zhan without holding back.

I took off running back to the house. I couldn't wait to tell Zhan the good news.

When I got to his room, I forgot to knock and just burst in. He was standing by the window, looking in the direction my parents were sitting. I guess he was watching our interactions to see how it was going.

"They said yes, babe. They approve of us!"

He didn't answer. He didn't have to. His tears told me all I needed to know. He felt the same, relieved, and completely happy.

He ran into my arms, and we stayed like that for a while.

"I am so happy, Yibo. I am relieved. I am accepted."

And there it was, his real feelings. My parents accepted Zhan through accepting our relationship.  If they had said no, Zhan would live under the burden of their rejection of him. 

I was acting strong, saying I didn't need their approval. After getting it, I now understand the burden Zhan was talking about. I felt completely happy, with no weight on my shoulder or even in my heart.

Next Zhan's parents, I hope they accept me too.