Made for me

Chapter 9

As soon as Zhan left to go to the bathroom, I sobbered up really quick. I was really excited about the idea of touching Zhan and satisfying my desires, but I really felt uncomfortable with this idea.

Not because I did not want to, but because I wanted to cherish him. This felt like I was taking advantage of him in some way even though it was his idea and suggestion.

My heart has always been set on being a person with morals and deep values. I wanted to be different from most men by not letting my lust takeover reason.

I protected Huiying, even in my drunk state I never layed a hand on her. I want to do that and so much more for Zhan.

I want to cherish him, and this won't  help in any way.

I have to go use words to communicate and not keep confusing him.

"Zhan, can you come out here so we can chat a bit. It's really important."

"I am almost done, I will be right out."

"No, I am saying you don't need to do any of that. Just come out so we can talk."

After a couple of minutes, he came out of the bathroom. He had a confused look on his face.

"Did you change your mind?"

"Yes and no. I do want so much to touch you and do everything that we both desire, I just don't think this is the way to do it."

"What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?"

"It's more what you said more than what you did. You said I can have you with no strings attached. I have no right to take something that I have not earned from you. If I do that, I will be using you. How will I be different from your ex who used you for a scholarship or whatever. I need to have the courage to communicate clearly to you and stop hiding behind the word 'curious'.

I took his hand and led him to sit on my bed so that I could sit next to him and face him properly.

"Earlier, you asked me about why I treat you the way that I do, and I told you it's for your comfort. That's not all true. It all started with me being curious about your personality, and because of that, I wanted to get to know you more. I know that we have not known each other for a long time, and all these strong emotions can seem sudden. I can not say that I am in love with you because that would be a lie, but I can say that I like you very much."

He was trying hard not to make eye contact with me this whole time, and when I told him that I liked him, he looked straight into my eyes, which also made me a bit unsettled.

"You like me?"

"I believe I do, and because of that, I want to do better. I don't want to do something that will later ruin our friendship or relationship. I want to take my time getting to know you better, and I hope you will get to know me too. I don't want to rush into a physical relationship that lacks accountability."

"So what are you saying? I hear all that you just said, and I feel honored. Really, I do. I am just still unsure what all this will look like."

"Well, for starters, how do you feel about me? I might look bold right now, but I do have my insecurities, too."

"Well, I feel more than like for you, I feel like I wanna say I have fallen in love with you."

Even though he was looking down, I could see his ears were red from blushing, and my heart was almost beating out of my chest. I have never been more excited to hear these words in my life.

"Wow, ok. That good right. I know you have issues trusting straight guys with your heart, but can i ask that you trust me with it?"

"Yibo, I still don't understand what you are saying. What does it mean like to say you want to get to know me better?"