Thanks To You, I'm Still Breathing (Kellic) (boyxboy)

Chapter 4

❄️❄️❄️

"You were in and out of conciousness all the while I carried you here. I didn't know where else to take you so I thought it would've been better for you to stay the night," He paused before adding, "You really scared me though. For a minute I thought I'd gotten there seconds too late to save you, I was freaking out. I would have never forgiven myself for that if you hadn't woken up."

If I was having trouble eating before, my appetite was now completely gone as Kellin finished recalling last nights events. I felt sick to my stomach.

I was pushing around the remaining food on my plate, head down, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes. How could I anyway? He heard my drunken babbling, not that I could remember it, but it was still humiliating to know that he could. He was there to see how I nearly let myself drown over the pain a selfish girl caused me. He saw me at the weakest I've ever been in and I wouldn't be surprised if he thought I was stupid for doing what I did.

I don't understand how I let it get this far. I was selfish and didn't even bother to think about those that care about me; my friends, my parents, my brother...

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I shouldn't have acted on impulse but it just hurt so much. I couldn't bear it. Truth be told, I just didn't want to live without her... I had my future all laid out with her by my side. And now... I don't see anything. My light is gone." The pain felt as fresh as the first night and I was on the verge of tears. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry so I bit my lip hard and blinked the unshed tears away.

Kellin placed his hand over mine and squeezed it slightly to get my attention. I looked up from my fixated spot on the table and was met with his grey ones.

"It's okay to cry you know. I'm in no position to judge you and I know breakups are hard, Vic, but you can't let your world revolve around her. You can't let her be the reason why you have no future anymore, you control your life. She doesn't." He said softly.

"I know, you're right but it's just so hard," I sighed and looked away, "It feels like I'm missing a huge chunk of my life without her."

"Look at me," He said and I did, "Screw that selfish bitch. She has no idea what she let go and if it was me, I'd do everything I could so she could see I'm way better off without her. Let this be a lesson to learn from, Vic. Show her that you don't need her. Hell, if you need to, cry, scream, shout; whatever you need to do to let it all out of your system. But after that do not look back. Don't think about it and just look forward... and if you want, I'll be there for you while you do. I won't let you go back to that dark place in your mind." He told me, all the while never breaking eye contact. His thumb was absentmindedly stroking the back of my hand and I felt something inside me stir.

I was getting so lost in his eyes, mesmerized by the way they seemed to change from grey to green, I didn't realize I was leaning in towards him. I closed my eyes and soon I felt his lips on mine. They felt so soft and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. We both parted our lips at the same time and he captured my bottom lip, tugging on it lightly with his before kissing me again.

It wasn't until I heard the sound of cutlery falling on the floor that I realized what was going on. I pulled back abruptly and awkwardly cleared my throat. It was beyond silent and I would kill to know what he was thinking. We had just kissed and- besides the hurt I knew was still there- for once I had no idea what I was feeling.

I wasn't at all homophobic but it made me a bit uncomfortable if I'm being honest. Even though at the same time it made me feel at ease, I refused to awknowledge that part because it was scaring me. It was scared me because never had I been attracted to males before in my life. I always assumed I was straight and, well... I didn't know what to make of this.

"Thanks... for everything, Kellin, really. I'll be forever grateful for what you've done and I don't know how I could ever repay you." I trailed off, unsure of what else to say. One thing was for sure, I would forever be in debt with him for saving my life.

He smiled slightly and oh god, his smile...

"Don't mention it. I would do it over again if I had to but if you really want to make it up to me, then just accept my friendship. That's all I really have to offer at the moment." He told me.

Friendship... was I being friend-zoned? The thought alone brought a wave of disappointment, even though I shouldn't be. I looked down at the table and noticed his hand was still on top of mine; neither of us had bothered to remove our own.

"Okay," I looked up at him and smiled before giving his hand a small pat, "Friends."

--

Kellin insisted for me to stay a while longer at his house just to make sure I didn't 'go off the rails' again. I was fine, and I was to an extent, but he didn't believe me. Instead, he made me go back to his room after breakfast and sleep. I was reluctant at first but I caved in because as 'fine' as I was, I was still a little groggy and hungover.

So that's pretty much what I did all day. It was already mid-afternoon and I had barely woken up about half an hour ago. I didn't realize I was going to sleep for so long, but now that I had, I felt better.

Something was bugging me though. I wasn't exactly sure what it was but something didn't feel right. I looked over at the alarm clock on the dresser and saw it was a quarter till 4. I then realized it had been a full day since I last talked to my brother, Mike, and he was probably freaking out. Maybe I should call him... wait, where is my phone?

I got up from the bed and walked in the direction of the guest room, adjacent to Kellin's, which was where I was currently staying. I don't know why he didn't just let me stay in the guest room but that's a question for another time.

The door was open slightly but I wasn't comfortable with just walking in so I knocked and waited.

"You can come in, you know." He called out from somewhere in the room.

I walked in and saw the bathroom door open. Kellin was standing there wearing only a pair of boxers and he was trying to make his hair stay in a certain position. Seeing as his hair was still wet, I assumed he'd just finished showering.

"Yeah, I know I just- I didn't feel comfortable barging in like that." I told him, trying to keep my eyes from wandering.

He laughed and turned to face me, "Oh, I think we're a little passed that modesty phase already, Vic. Wouldn't you think so?"

"I guess?" I replied a bit uncertain. He walked past me into the room and sat on the bed.

"Did you need something?" He asked.

"I uh, wanted to call my brother and I was, um, wondering what happened to my phone and thought maybe you knew." I told him.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that," He said sheepishly and got up, "After I brought you back here, I remembered you dropped your phone on the bridge so I went back to retrieve it." He walked over to the drawer next to the head of the bed on the other side and opened it. He came over to me and held it out.

"All in one piece." He smiled at me.

"Thanks." I took the phone from his hand and he simply nodded, going about his business again.

I was about to leave when he spoke up again.

"Hey, Vic?"

"Yeah?"

"I was going to ask you if you'd like to hang out with me later tonight during my shift at work? I mean if you want to, you don't have to. I was just wondering..." He asked, rambling a little and suddenly shy.

"Uh, yeah why not." I shrugged, smiling a little. "I just have to go home and change."

"You could borrow some of my clothes if that's okay with you." He suggested.

"No, that's okay I-" I stopped talking when I saw the puppy eyes he was giving me and I could not will myself to turn him down. "Okay, fine." I gave in.

"Super. Now go call your brother, or did you already forget?" He asked teasingly. I blushed unexpectedly and shook my head.

"No, I'll go call him right now... and once again, Kellin, thanks."

"It's my pleasure, Vic."

❄️❄️❄️