Thanks To You, I'm Still Breathing (Kellic) (boyxboy)

Chapter 16

A/N: I'm sorry if the next few chapters suck, starting from this one. I've been feeling sad for the past few days and while I tried to not let it affect my writing, I think it did. Idk... Sorry.

Carry on lovelies

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When Jaime came back later that night, I had ditched the coffee and resumed my drinking from earlier. I wasn't aiming to get completely wasted, just enough to feel that numbness again. It was perhaps the only thing that helped me stay just that little bit sane.

"Are you serious?" Jaime asked in exasperation. "I'm only gone for like an hour and this is how I find you?"

I shrugged, "I wanted something with a stronger flavor."

"You're unbelievable," he scoffed. " and there is absolutely no way you're going to stay here alone in this state. Who knows what crazy shit you'll try to pull."

"I'm not going to kill myself, if that's what you're wondering." I said and rolled my eyes.

"People under the influence of alcohol are very unpredictable," he said. "It's just a precaution."

I snorted and bit my tongue to keep from laughing, earning a strange look from him. Oh, if only he knew...

"What?" He asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. I shook my head, not wanting to divulge any unnecessary information. "Well... I'm just gonna go upstairs. I'll leave you to drink away your feelings or whatever it is your trying to accomplish."

A few seconds later and I heard his bedroom door shut. I slumped down on the floor next to the couch and I sighed, staring intently at the bottle in my hands. Is this what was going to become of me? Am I really willing to go back to spending my nights drinking relentlessly, drowning myself in sorrow? I rested my head against the arm of the couch and thought back to what Jaime told me earlier today.

How are you going to know for sure he's not going to forgive you, if you're not trying to do anything to fix it? You're letting him slip even further from your fingers the more you spend your time here, just drinking. Alcohol isn't going to solve your problems, Vic, you have to do something yourself.

How can I do that when he doesn't want me to look for him? He refuses to have anything to do with me and if that's what he wants, I'll respect that.

Vic, do you realize you're making a mistake in doing just that? He's only doing this because he wants to know if you're willing to fight for him, to gain his trust again, but by you staying put, you're giving him the impression that you don't care. Don't be an idiot. If he's really what you want, go after him, fight for him. Don't go down the same route you did during your last breakup. You say you love him right? Well go show him you do. Prove it to him...

Stumbling slightly, I managed to get up and make my way towards the kitchen and straight to the sink. I looked down at the bottle in my hand and bit my lip, contemplating my next move. Do I really want to do this? I shook my head and before I could regret my decision, I unscrewed the cap and poured what was left of the contents down the drain. I opened the cabinet that was off to the side and retrieved the last two bottles of alcohol I had in my possession. I snapped the seal open on both, unscrewed the caps and tipped them upside down, watching the alcohol mix together and swirl around before disappearing from sight.

I sighed slightly in contentment and smiled. Jaime's right. I'm letting him slip from me, possibly giving someone the chance to get his attention. I can't just sit back just drinking my feelings away, what good is that going to do?