Thanks To You, I'm Still Breathing (Kellic) (boyxboy)

Chapter 18

❄️❄️❄️

*Kellin's POV*

My eyes were brimming with tears. No, I can't let him walk away, not now. It took me so long to realize that what I wanted in reality was Vic. He's all I ever wanted, and even though a betrayal isn't something one can easily get over, I was willing to try, just for him.

"Vic, please... Don't do this," I whispered. "I love you."

He froze in place but didn't face me. This was the first time I'd ever confessed my feelings to him, in person that is. I walked up to him and around front so that I was standing in front of him. He blinked a few times, almost as if he was trying to process what I told him. I took his hands, half expecting him to push me away, but he didn't.

"I love you," I repeated and looked into his eyes, a range of emotions flowing through them. He withdrew his hands from mine and masked his face into a stony expression.

"If you really do love me, you'll let me go." He said.

My heart sank at his choice of words. Those were the exact same ones I wrote to him. He was making it seem like he didn't want anything to do with me, when I knew he felt the exact opposite. He still wanted to try to fix things between us, otherwise he wouldn't have hesitated to leave even when I told him I loved him... Right?

"No. I can't- I don't want to. I know what I said and I regret it so much. I didn't mean any of it," I told him. "At least any of the things where I told you I wanted to move on. I meant what I said though, when I told you a forever with you is what I want. I want you, Vic, and more than anything I just want to fix this between us... But if you're really done and willing to throw it all away, I'll stand to the side and let you leave."

I moved off to the side so he'd know I was serious while looking away from him, and went to walk away when he suddenly grabbed me and pulled me into an embrace. I tensed up a little at first, not at all expecting it but I ended up wrapping my arms around him in return. I missed this, I missed him. I buried my face into the crook of his neck as I hugged him tighter, not wanting to let go.

We stayed in that position for a while, swaying a little side to side, just enjoying each other's comfort.

"I'm sorry," Vic whispered to me, his voice breaking slightly.

"If there's anyone that has to be sorry, it's me."

He pulled away, holding me at arms length and shook his head in disagreement.

"I'm serious, Kellin. You have no idea how much I've hated myself for what I did to you. I know sorry doesn't cut it and probably won't mean anything to you but I really am sorry. I let myself get carried away, I wasn't thinking straight at all and I should've had the common sense to stop it but I didn't and I- if I could go back in time to change things I would, in a heartbeat," he said softly, bringing his hands down from my shoulders and taking hold of my hands. "I honestly just can't bear the thought of you hating me for it, but I don't blame you if you do."

"It's okay, Vic. Well, not really, but I don't hate you. I was just really hurt and disappointed in you... I actually said quite a few things that were maybe out of line." I said and looked away shamefully.

"You had every right to," he said and I shook my head.

"Just because I had the right, didn't mean I should've done it."

It was quiet between us for a few minutes, a little awkwardness lingering in the air.

"Do you, um... Do you think that uh," he paused, "that you'll be able to forgive me?" He asked, the uncertainty evident in his voice. My chest tightened and I swallowed hard, not knowing how to relay that information to him without making him feel bad. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.