Shaded Soldiers || Gay MxM || Omegaverse

3. Check Up [R]

[CW: first half, humiliation and mentions of feces, second half, vaguely described sexual assault, the act itself isn't described, but you will know it is happening behind dialogue and Riley's inner monologue.]

*****

The week following the procedure was humiliating. I didn't get used to the tube. It was constantly there, reminding me of how little power I had over myself and my body. Just because I wanted a career in the military, I had to subject myself to this humiliation. To let the alphas do whatever they wanted with me, and to let them decide what I had to do with my body.

The tube was so fucking uncomfortable. Sitting normally wasn't an option since it felt like it was trying to dig its way into my stomach. Any kind of squatting, bending over, even walking up the stairs, required a lot of focus or it would've come out. I didn't want to sleep because I feared I'd try to take it out. Using the toilet was the worst, for obvious reasons.

Just a normal week for an omega in the army. Just a normal week filled with self-hate, disgust, and humiliating situations where I had to try to excuse myself from training without having to explain to my captain and the rest of the team I had a tube up my ass that would fall off if I had to run another lap.

When the week was over, I was so goddamn relieved I was allowed to take it out. Until I actually tried to take it out, and I learned it never was in danger of falling out.

I probably would've cried if I hadn't run out of tears years ago while I squatted over a towel in the middle of my flat with my fingers up my ass trying to get a good grip on the slippery, dirty tube. Whenever I did get a hold on it, it was so tightly lodged in me that I feared I'd rip the stitches right out if I pulled too hard. I tried everything I could think of. Switching positions, rotating, nudging different ways, everything. As the frustration grew, I thought about cutting the first ring on the tube to get the air out, but something about having a knife in my ass stopped me.

I gave up and fell on my knees on the floor, taking in deep breaths to stop myself from getting more emotional. I was tired and miserable, and this only added to my humiliation. I could almost see Commander Stoll standing above me, laughing at this pathetic situation he had put me into. He would've loved watching me struggle like this.

The only option I had left was to get aroused. There was something sick about that thought. Like I was forced to reward myself after going through something so humiliating; to teach my body that letting alphas do disgusting and twisted things to me was good and exciting.

The worst part was that I chose this path in life to become strong enough to never let alphas use me however they pleased again, but the harder I fought, the easier it became for them to put me back to my place. This time, they didn't even have to do anything. I had to be the best submissive omega there was just so I could continue fighting.

I was so unbelievably disgusted with myself...

I closed my eyes, trying to empty my mind to focus on the surrounding scents. The alphas. It was the easiest way to get aroused in this situation, but I hated that thought. I'd spend years trying to teach my body not to get affected by them, and now I needed them to get rid of the fucking tube that was in me because an alpha forced me to have the operation.

Was this ever going to stop...? Would I ever be strong enough to be completely free from their grip?

But it wasn't as easy as I'd thought. Getting hard by the scents alone was difficult after me and my omega had spent years learning to feel disgusted by them. I was proud of myself. The timing couldn't have been worse, but it gave me twisted pleasure knowing that at least I couldn't be so easily seduced by them. I really needed to focus and use my hands to get even a little bit of slick out of myself.