Memories That Still Haunt Us

Chapter Thirty-Five:

I lean in the doorway of Beck's room as Ellis tucks him into bed. Beck fell asleep in the car on the way home and barely stirred as Ellis carried him up the stairs to his bed. I watch as Ellis turns on his circus nightlight, which lights up the room with images of elephants and ring leaders and horses. He plants a kiss on top of Beck's head before standing and locking eyes with me in the doorway.

My heart thuds in my chest as he looks at me like he's trying so hard to restrain himself from fucking me. The confliction sparks across his face, and my eyes drag along his body, noticing how his hand clenches and unclenches. When my eyes meet his again, I step outside the doorframe and out into the hall, my eyes staying on his, willing him to make a move. He walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him, our eye contact does not break. His chest lifting and dropping back down. I lick my lips, his eyes following the movement.

One moment I'm blinking up at him, and in one quick advance, he pushes me up against the wall, the breath escaping my lungs, skin tingling as one of his hands places itself at the base of my neck while the other moves down my side, before gripping my hip.

My pulse thunders with each beat. "What do you want?" I ask him, and skate my nose down his.

His lips feather mine. "Don't ask me that."

Impatience shoots through me. I take my hands and push him away from me. My back still against the wall, but the absence of his hands leaves me feeling cold. He looks down at me with a frustrated gaze, his breath ragged. "I think you need to stop being scared and fuck me already." I tell him, a smirk growing on my face.

He blinks. Rubs a hand along his jaw, then intakes a shaky breath. "I'm not scared."

"Prove it then."

A moment goes by where neither of us move or speak. I press my head against the wall and give him an alluring smile. Finally, Ellis closes the gap between us, lifts my legs, and hooks them around his waist as he carries me towards his bedroom.

The lights are off in his room, except for a lamp left on in the corner of the room. He tosses me down onto the bed; a more hungry—more aggressive—side of Ellis is coming out, and I've never been more turned on before as he grips onto my thighs and drags me towards the end of the bed. Quickly, my pants come off, and a rabid look dances across his face as he teasingly glides his palms up the insides of my thighs. I squirm slightly in anticipation. Gradually, he grabs my underwear and carefully slides it down. Each movement is dragged out, as if he's taking it all in, leaving it hard for me to sit still. I can hardly take it.

Ellis kisses the inside of my leg, then the edge of my knee, and drags his tongue upwards. I shift and groan, and he grips my hips, pulling me back down and firmly keeping me in place.

"Ellis." I beg, and when his fingers finally reach me and his tongue dives into me, I arch my back in response and can barely contain myself.

Everything he does is sensual. I've been with a lot of men in my life, but somehow he's so different. From the way he touches me to the way I feel when he does. It's as if all those shitty men have led me to him, and I'm almost thankful for that. None of them matter because now I'm here, in bed, with Ellis, and I've never experienced something better.

I feel tears prickle my eyes as I moan loudly. I want everyone to hear. I want to rattle the walls with my pleasure. I want the whole neighborhood to know. I want my pleasure to be so loud that Millie will come home and know what happened. She'll sense it in the room; my moans will linger in the sheets and play on repeat as she tries to sleep at night.

No man has ever made me feel like a priority before. Like my pleasure matters as well. No man has ever been so gentle yet aggressive at the same time. I reach my hands down and grip his hair tightly, and my entire body begins to shutter with relief. He drags his mouth and hands up my body, pushing my shirt off and ultimately taking it off so his mouth and hands can move along my breasts. I reach for the ends of his shirt and pull his off as well. My hand gliding down his abs. His body hovers over mine.

"How often have you thought about this?" I gasp.

"Too often." He says with his lips pressed against the side of my neck. The thought of him imagining this happening, imagining all the things he'd do to me, sends a thrilling shiver down my spine as my nails drag along his back. I reach for the button on his pants, undoing it in one swift motion. "I don't have any rubbers here." He then tells me breathlessly.

"I don't care." I slide down his zipper.

"Wait—" Ellis shakes his head once, his face strained. "Reign."

"I'm on birth control."

"Okay, that's not—" He hesitates. "It's fucked up."

"To fuck without a condom?"
"To do that to Millie."

I press my lips together into a thin line. Fuck Millie. I grip his pants and work to bring them down. My lips move to his neck, then his ear, and I feel the goosebumps form along his skin. "I want you inside me, Ellis." My hands pull him down closer to me, his chest pressing against mine as I smash my lips against his. He kisses me back eagerly, our tongues roaming, and I kiss him until he forgets all about Millie, his pants come off, and he positions himself in between my legs.

My breathing halts as he drives himself forward, ramming his hips against mine. He moves one of my legs up to his shoulder, then the other, nails digging into my hips, and the gaze in his eye drives me wild. I grip the sheets, and he orders me to look at him as he switches tempos, moving in and out of me in ravenous thrusts.

I look into his eyes, and I see a dangerous addiction. A swelling of emotions that leave my mouth in pleasurable moans.