Memories That Still Haunt Us

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Ellis

My brain is in a fog. Crystallizations of thoughts, overlapping one another as I can't seem to stop thinking about Reign. Touching her, feeling her, and the words she told me. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about what that bastard did to her. She told me she trusts me, and I feel so bloody guilty for everything. Because as much as I enjoy being with Reign, and I'm clearly incapable of keeping my hands to myself when it comes to her, we can't be together.

I can't lose Beck, and Millie would never let me have full custody of him.

Reign and I can never be more than what we are now. A secret. Regardless of how I feel and care for her. It makes me feel like an absolute bellend when she tells me how happy she is with me, and she always wants to be with me. I have no intentions of leaving Millie, even if I wanted to. Millie would never let that happen.

Interlocking my fingers, I stare down at the floor when Millie claps her hands in front of my face. I blink and look at her. She's glaring at me with frustration. "Hello? Did you hear a word of what I just said?"

"No, sorry." I stand straighter, cheeks flushing as if my thoughts are on display above my head like subtitles for her to read. "What did you say?"

"Ellis!" She groans. "We have a lot to get done for tomorrow for your birthday. I still have to go pick up the cake and grab some last-minute finger food." I grind my teeth, and she notices my distaste, making her eyes narrow. "What's the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Well, don't hold back now. What's the issue? Because I'm putting in a lot of work to prepare for your birthday party tomorrow."

"I know, I appreciate it." I lace my fingers together and place them behind my neck. "I do. I just..." I hesitate, trying to find the right words. Trying to find something to say that won't start an argument.

"Spit it out, Ellis. I don't have time for this."

I smack my hands down by my side. "I didn't ask for this."

"For what exactly?"

I wave around at the décor that is already set up. "This. Any of it. It's going to be your family and your friends going, none of which like me, and we do this every year, and every year it's just an excuse for your parents to slag me off."

"You're just now deciding to complain about it?"

"Would it have made a difference if I spoke about it earlier?"

She folds her arms tightly across her chest. "Well, it's too late now. Everything is already paid for. Next year, don't expect me to do anything for it."

I roll my eyes. "That's not what I'm saying."

"I'm going to the store. I won't bother asking for your help on anything." She seethes as she snatches her car keys off the counter and storms out of the room.

***

I run a hand down my dress shirt, smoothing it out, as I lean against the counter, eyes pointed towards the ground as everyone converses around me. I find it hard to catch my breath. Millie invited more people than expected, and I'm trying to remain aloof, uncaring of the stares around me and the cruel whispers from her family.

My heart thuds in my chest, going against the calm state I'm desperately trying to present. I stuff my hands in my slack pockets and feel a cold hand graze my elbow. "My husband is just the best; I'm so thankful." Millie says to her friends, and leans in to plant a kiss on my cheek. My eyes lift slightly to see Violet Butler standing in front of me, and am surprised by the smirk she gives me. Courtney and Gretchen coo at Millie's comment and stare longingly at me. I lean over and kiss the top of Millie's head, going along with the show.

She drapes her arms around me. "Happy Birthday, baby." She says, and I give her a stiff smile. "Have a drink, won't you?" She gestures towards the bartender she hired for the night, who mixes drinks for everyone.

I nod and move over to the bar, where I order an Old Fashioned. I breathe heavily and feel my hands shaking in my pockets. A hand smacks my back, and I jump. Millie's father brings himself beside me. "Make that two." He says to the bartender and holds up two fingers before turning and looking at me. My jaw tightens as I give him a slight nod of my head. "Leave it up to Millie to always throw you a huge party every year."

I grab the drink from the bartender and step out of the way for the people waiting behind me. Her father grabs his drink and moves over beside me. "Why am I just now finding out about the nanny you two hired?" He asks.

"I figured Millie would have mentioned it."

"She didn't. I suppose she was embarrassed to admit that you work from home and still can't manage to take care of your son." He scoffs. "You had to hire a slutty stripper to do the job." His eyes move over his shoulder, and I follow his gaze to see Reign in the room, and my breath catches. She's in an emerald-green dress that falls below her knees. Her dark hair in long curls. She looks absolutely stunning. She's holding onto Beck's hand as she grabs a plate of veggies for him and smiles at the people around her who are gawking. "I'm assuming you hired her. Nicely done, I suppose. I wouldn't mind seeing her around our house bent over a counter cleaning either."

My eyes snap to his, jaw popping with rage. "Millie hired her," I say through gritted teeth. "She's the one who insisted on hiring a nanny."

His eyes widen. "That's surprising. Did she not find you fit to look after him yourself?" He smirks at me, and I want to remind him of what she did in the past. That it's because of her, not me. That I work from home so I can be closer to Beck and spend more time with him. My hands clench tightly in my pockets. "Look." He leans in closer to me, and my body stiffens, my back straightening. "Everyone else might buy into the bullshit, but I don't. You hardly show up to any of the events anymore to make an appearance, and it's very clear you and her have never gotten back to what you used to be, but may I remind you who gave you this life?" He smacks my shoulder hard, and I narrow my eyes at his smug look.

Fuck him.

"If you need to have an affair with the nanny to put a little pep in your step, do what you need to do." He adds on, and it takes everything in me not to knock him out. I pull a hand out of my pocket, clench it once, then smooth it over the front of my shirt and give him a smug look back.

"Thanks for your input. I'll take it into consideration." I sidestep around him, only for him to grab onto my arm. I narrow my eyes at him just as Millie saunters over.

"Baby, Violet and her husband, Paul, would like to speak with us. You don't mind if I pull him away, do you, Dad?"

Her dad releases his grip on my arm and waves for us to carry along. Millie's fingernails dig into my arm. "What did you say to him?" She seethes under her breath.

I grind my teeth together. "Just how thankful I am for his always helpful suggestions."

"Can you just get along with my parents for one night, please? They haven't seen you and are already suspicious that something's going on with us."

My eyes find Reign's, and my heart thuds faster in my chest as she watches me move across the room. Beck pulls on her hand and begins tugging her out of the room. I want nothing more than to follow them upstairs and away from all these people. Instead, I'm stuck down here socializing among the rich and powerful and fucking hating every second of it.