Tom Riddle One Shots

Heartbreaking - part 3

The air in the astronomy tower is cold. It has been since the day she stopped talking to me. Her expression remains in my mind like a ghost, saddened and hurt at my words. I didn't mean for them to come out. I hid my feelings and thoughts of her so deep in my brain that I forgot when distracted. But every night. Every time I was alone...

All I saw was her. Her gorgeous eyes, shining brilliantly as she stared at me with true adoration. I've seen many similar expressions but none as fascinating and stunning as hers. How can someone look so beautiful by doing nothing? It was infuriating. I hated it. But I wanted to see it all the time.

The first time she ever ignored me I knew why. And as I pretended it was no big deal it was killing me. The lack of her radiant smile felt like someone taking away a drug I've been living on for years. It was suffocating and I couldn't handle it. 

She would be so oblivious too. My god, it was horrible having her not see and return what I so desperately wanted. She was my everything but she didn't know. She couldn't know. 

It was bold of me to assume to she liked me. I sort of knew when, during our finals days together, Talia told me she thought she had a crush on me. I laughed. Not only at the absurd thought but at Talia, known for being pleasant to everyone, showing the smallest bit of jealousy. 

Talia smiled down at her feet before assuring me. 

"No really," she said, "it's quite cute the way she looks at you. Like a kid."

My throat shut the laughter down at the comment. Talia was getting too cocky for her own good so I cut the relationship off a mere day later. 

Now I knew though. I knew she liked me and god, I could never get over the way she looked at me when she was happy. That's all I wanted- her happiness. But I had other priorities, other agendas that went directly against this. 

My main justification was that one day I can make her happy. One day I can keep her happy. But deep down, I knew that wouldn't be possible. I'm too selfish for that.

I inhale a breath of the chilly air, wishing I didn't forget my cigarettes back in my room. My thoughts are so jumbled lately. I'm afraid they will remain that way if I can't speak to her one last time. But with my ego, and her anger, I don't believe I'll ever get to see her face again.

We leave campus tomorrow. I think I'm staying up so i don't have to face that. Hogwarts hasn't been my favorite place but it has been my only home. It's also the only place with her and I need that right now. I need that forever.

I run my hands over my eyes and through my hair, a pounding headache beginning to surface. I haven't slept in days. The night air makes a faint humming noise that rings through my ears. Everything reminds me of her.

A step creaks and I spin, trying to find the source of the sound. My tired eyes search until I find a familiar pair, her eyes not looking away.

"Tom," she whispers, "I didn't expect you to be here."

I don't respond, instead  just look vacantly at her. She moves up to meet me, playing with the tips of her hair. She slowly sits down her fingers lightly brushing over mine. I freeze, breath failing me. She's done this before but now, now that everything is out in the open. It splits me in two.

"What do you want?" I say gruffly, not wanting to make eye contact again.

I feel her freeze. She doesn't know what I'm feeling so she doesn't know what I mean. "I think this is goodbye?"

"Well, goodbye." Those words aren't what I wanted to say. Unfortunately, they are what's necessary. 

A small sound slips out of her. Almost like a whimper or choked cry. I keep my eyes locked to the sky but it's too late- my hand instinctively wraps around her, my fingers trailing over her skin. My heart pounds as I stare at the black sky. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve these mixed signals.

"I-" want to apologize. Say it, Tom, say it. Nothing.

"Hey," she stands up, ripping her hand out of mine. "Don't worry about it. At all. We're just on very different paths, I get it."

Tell her it's not like that Tom. For fucks sake say something. Make her stay- "good."

She looks at me with so many feelings circling through her eyes. I want to inquire about all of them. I want to learn every little thing she's thinking. Assure every little doubt and hold her until she feels that she can trust me with her heart. 

Words fail me though, just as they have in the past and I assume they will in the future, if I ever get the chance to see her again. My face feels hot and a strange stinging haunts my eyes. A feeling I want to never experience again.

I turn my head, pinching the bridge of my nose to stifle a sob. "Why are you still here? Leave."

She heavily exhales and, when she speaks, her voice is stunningly loud. "No. You don't get to talk like that. I know you don't mean it. I just- I know. You can't mean that. Why are you doing this to me? After last weekend-"

A sob slips out of my mouth, silencing her. I still don't turn to her. I can't bear to see the look on her face once she sees me like this. Disgust, annoyance, anger... god, this is so pathetic and humiliating. This is the second time I've cried this week. The second time since I was 4. I close my eyes, tears breaking free and falling from my cheek. My hand shakes and I pinch the bridge if my nose harder.

She's quiet for a few moments. I hear a staggered breath being heard every once in a while and I just wait for her to blow up. For her to at least walk back down the stairs and never think of me again for anything other than this humiliating moment.

"Tom," her voice is soft. The sweet, familiar sound stabs me in the heart. "Tom, I love you."

My cries pause, my hand still shaking. I slowly turn my head, "Please-"

She interrupts me, sitting down again and cradling my face. Her hands are so soft... "Tom, I love you. And, if I had it my way, we'd move to a tiny house in the middle of nowhere and, after we get back from whatever boring job we end up doing, spend the rest of the night just the two of us. Doing whatever we want. Just because we can. There we can start over."

I shake my head, grabbing her hands and bringing the to rest in the small space between us. "My job won't allow that."

Her face falls, her slight smile cracking into hopelessness and her eyes following suit. She doesn't let that last long, her smile raising but her eyes still glum. "I understand. So this is goodbye."

It wasn't a question any more. It's a statement. A fact. It doesn't make this decision any less hard.

I wipe a tear from my eye, trying my best to do it stealthily. "You deserve that house in the middle of nowhere. With a husband who cares. Who will do whatever you ask, whenever you ask. You deserve it all."

She sighs, her breath shaking. I know she's on the verge of tears as well. "Okay." She stands up turning away from me. "I'll see you again, won't I?"

I look down at the ground, "Possibly. I can't promise it'll be a good thing though."

She laughs. Quietly and full of pain. "I assumed such."

She turns around, offering me her hand. I shake it, feeling the last touch I'll ever feel of hers.

 "Goodbye, Tom."

"Goodbye."

She pulls her hand away from me with haste, before rushing down the stairs and out of my life.

-- 

so, this took some time. I recently realized real life romance isn't my thing but I'll always love this fidbvhebfhievb