Always Then and Now

Chapter 2

Liam Beckett

“I’m sorry, I’ve got a what?” I couldn’t have heard correctly.  I sat forward in my chair, my eyes trained on Julia Carter, my lawyer. 

“A daughter, Liam.  Do you remember a woman named Monica Phillips?”

Of course, I did.  We’d dated for several months.  Things had even been getting pretty serious, and then it’d all fallen apart.  I tried not to think about that time in my life too often.  “Last time I saw her was about two or three years ago.”

“She was three months pregnant at the time.  Emily is two years old.  We’ll get a paternity test, of course, but the timing checks out.  She does resemble you too,” Julia said, passing me a picture.  I took it reluctantly, swearing inwardly at the sight.  She did seem to carry some of my features.  Same dark hair.  Same blue eyes. 

“Where is Monica now?” I asked, handing the picture back to Julia.  I couldn’t believe I might have a kid. Why hadn’t Monica told me?  Sure, the issue of children was part of the reason she had left me in the first place.  It was one of the things we fought about the most toward the end of our relationship.  Kids had never been in my life plan.  I didn’t hate them—I’d just never been much of a kid person.  I had no time for them; my life was full enough as it was.  I’d thought she’d agreed with me, right up until the arguing had started.  Could she have known she was pregnant and left because of it?  I’d thought she’d just had enough of me, after all that fighting.

“Dead.  Cancer,” Julia told me now, and I started, looking at her in shock, my breath trapped in my lungs.  I forgot how to breathe for a second.  Dead?  Cancer?  How could that be? 

“But so young…” I trailed off.  There’d been a reason I hadn’t wanted kids, and that was it, right there.  My heart hurt as I thought about the woman with whom I’d spent three years of my life…

I shook my head.  I had to focus on the issue at hand here.  “This kid can’t be mine.  Why wouldn’t she have told me?”

“Liam, it’s not exactly a secret that you’re not very…kid-friendly.  I’m guessing that’s the reason she didn’t tell you.  She did write you a letter before she died though, explaining everything.” 

Julia handed me the letter.  I took it and scanned through it quickly, nodding to myself when it confirmed our suspicions.  She’d wanted to raise our baby in a caring, loving home.  Away from the fighting.  Away from an indifferent, or worse, uncaring father.  Anger coursed through me as my eyes followed her flowing handwriting.  She’d taken the choice away from me, and even when she’d found out she was sick, she still hadn’t said a thing.  Instead, she’d taken the coward’s way out, completely and abruptly uprooting two entire lives because she hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell the truth.  What a selfish bitch.

Julia’s voice brought me back from my angry musings.  “We’ll complete the paternity test now.  If it comes back positive…well, your life is about to change, whether you like it or not.”

*****

“Thanks for coming to my rescue,” I said to my sister, Kate, as she joined me at the front door of my house.  We were both about to meet my…daughter for the first time. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world, big brother!” Kate said with a bright smile, and I scowled and shook my head at her.  She was in a much better mood than I was right now.  “Who would’ve thought that Liam Beckett would end up with a kid!  I’ve got to see it to believe it!”

I sighed, my mood going straight down the tubes.  The more excited she got, the darker my mood became.  That happened often.  She didn’t seem to be taking this very seriously.

“Kate, you do realize I have no idea how to raise a kid at all, let alone a toddler.  I don’t even have time for a kid!”  My words came out a little harsher than I had intended.  I was starting to panic a little bit.  How the hell was I going to do this?  I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. 

Kate sobered a little and rested her hand on my arm, giving me an encouraging smile.  “Hey, don’t worry.  You’ve got this.  You’ve gotten her room all set up, and I’ll stay in the room next door for now, at least until we hire a full-time nanny.  We’ll help you learn how to be a great dad.”

Just the word drove my anxiety up.  I didn’t know how to be around kids.  Even when I was a kid, I didn’t really like kids, except for Kate, of course.  Everyone who knew me insisted I’d never really been a kid, that I’d always been a little adult.  They were right, of course.  I’d had to be.  How was I supposed to take care of a kid now, if I’d never really been a child myself? 

She gave me a look.  “I know what you’re thinking.  I can see you freaking out behind those baby blue eyes of yours.  You’ll be fine.  You’ll just learn parenting the way you’ve learned everything else you’ve learned in your life—thoroughly and annoyingly quickly.  Don’t let it go to your head, but you’re probably the smartest person I’ve ever known.”  She chuckled and squeezed my arm encouragingly before sobering again.  “The point is, whether you like it or not, you’re going to have to learn.  You don’t really have a choice in the matter.  You made a kid, Liam.  Now you’ve got to take responsibility.”

I knew she was right.  I had to take responsibility for my actions.  I sighed and nodded, conceding her point.  Julia had been right when she’d said my life would completely change.  I wasn’t ready for it, but there was nothing I could do to change it now.  I took a deep breath.  “How long will you stay for?” I needed her to teach me.  I couldn’t do this on my own.

“I’ve taken a couple of weeks off work, but then I’m going to have to go back home.  I do have a family of my own to take care of,” she told me, and the anxiety ratcheted up another level.  I couldn’t learn all of this in two weeks.  “Don’t worry, though, dear brother.  We’ll hire someone to help you.  Someone who can take care of Emily and teach you to do the same.  I’ll take care of it.  I realize you won’t be able to do this all by yourself.  I’ll make sure you’re covered.” 

She smiled reassuringly at me, and I nodded, taking one more deep breath.  I could do this.  With help, I could do this.  “Alright.  Thanks, Kate.” I gave her as convincing a smile as I could muster.

She smiled back at me and pushed her long blond hair behind her shoulders before hugging me close.  I gratefully hugged her back.  “You ready, big brother?”

I nodded against her shoulder, then pulled back and straightened my shoulders, reaching for the front door as a knock sounded from the other side.  “As ready as I’ll ever be.  Let’s go meet my daughter.”