Always Then and Now

Chapter 42

HANNAH

I didn't feel like staying all day at the market today, for the first time in a long time. I was just too depressed to interact with people and see all the happy couples and families milling through the crowd when I was as miserable as I was. I also didn't want to bring Jai and Mia down with me, so I took off. I didn't have any urge to go home, though, so I went to Jai's instead.

Feeling beyond depressed, I grabbed a bowl of ice cream and sat on the couch to drown my sorrows. I pulled out my phone and played a song that had always been one of my favourites, but now seemed to express my situation perfectly. Beautifully by Jay Brannan. I hummed along through bites of ice cream.

"Every time he goes, she dies/Every time she comes, she cries/He was her long, bright future/In the middle of a wrong, dark road/He loved her, but he wasn't too sure/If he could return the love she showed/When she said, my love extends/Beyond the realm of being friends/He kissed her head/And quietly he said/ It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me/She said, how beautiful do I have to be?/When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see/And I have loved you beautifully."

I felt tears spring to my eyes. I knew I wasn't doing myself any favours by listening to this; I was just making myself even more miserable, but I just couldn't help but indulge for a few minutes. Maybe if I got all the tears out, I'd be better able to distract myself with other things afterwards.

A text notification came through my phone, and I frowned when I read Jai's message.

Jai: Kate incoming! It's not my fault! She threatened bodily harm!

I groaned and closed my eyes. She'd called and texted a few times over the past week, but I'd just ignored them all, unable to speak to her without telling her everything that had happened. I loved Kate; I thought of her as a sister and didn't want to keep secrets from her, but I didn't want to cause any problems between her and Liam. I couldn't be sure, but I had a feeling she'd take my side, and I didn't want her to be angry with him.

I thought about getting up and taking off before she could get here, but I sighed and stayed put. There was no point. I couldn't keep this from her forever, and besides, maybe Liam had already told her.

I ran to the bathroom and splashed water on my face in an attempt to lessen the redness in my eyes, though it was a lost cause. It was clear I'd been crying, and there was nothing I could do to hide it.

She showed up about five minutes later, knocking on the door. I took a breath and paused for a moment, then went to answer it. I was not looking forward to this conversation.

"Oh Hannah. What happened?" she asked, looking concerned as she entered the house. I was silent, just following her back to the living room and sitting down on the couch again. I could already feel the tears pricking my eyes, and I hadn't even said anything yet.

She sat down next to me. "Jai just said that you and Liam were going through something. He wouldn't tell me what it was."

Okay, so Liam hadn't talked to her either. I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands in my lap. I didn't know how to start.

"Please, Hannah. I could tell something was wrong by the way neither of you would return my calls. Everything seemed so great between you last Saturday! What happened?" She reached out and took my hands in hers when I started to fidget.

One more deep breath. Eyes on our joined hands, I spoke. "We slept together last Saturday," I said and glanced at her to see her reaction. She gasped, a look of excitement crossing her beautiful face. "I don't know, I think we just got carried away with all the wedding stuff or something, but when we got home, we couldn't stop ourselves. It was incredible. I don't think I'd ever felt so loved or wanted."