Always Then and Now

Chapter 37

LIAM

I woke up the next morning with Hannah still in my arms, sleeping peacefully. I gazed tenderly at her as I watched her take deep, even breaths, her beautiful face devoid of all anxiety and tension. She looked younger like this, and I wished I could take away the anxiety she felt all the time.

I couldn't help but notice the feel of her naked body against mine, those glorious breasts pressed against my chest. I could feel myself getting hard again as I remembered the night before. It was possibly the best sex I'd ever had in my entire life. Hannah had been so responsive, her body moving eagerly against mine, and the noises she'd made would echo through my mind for years to come. It'd been incredible. I could hold onto her forever, make her mine again and again for the rest of my life, and it would never be enough.

And I knew it had been just as good for her too. You didn't make the noises that she made last night, unless it was incredibly good. Thinking those thoughts just made me want her more, made me want to spend the rest of my life, giving mind-blowing pleasure to the woman I loved—

Fuck. My thoughts stalled on the words flowing through my mind. Love? No. No, no, no. That couldn't be! I couldn't love her. I'd promised myself I'd never let myself fall in love again, especially not after last time, especially not after everything my dad went through when my mom died. I'd done everything I could to keep things platonic between Hannah and me. Romantic love was never supposed to factor into the equation. I couldn't love her. I couldn't love anyone.

Why the hell did you fuck her then? a nasty voice in my head taunted. You knew she'd never go for friends with benefits. Not after Mark from college.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. We'd let ourselves get carried away. No. I'd let myself get carried away. This wasn't on her. This was all me. I should've been able to control myself last night. Yes, I'd wanted her desperately for weeks, and the way she'd looked at me last night in the car on the way home, all wide green eyes and full, parted lips, I just couldn't help myself...but that was no excuse. I'd lost control, and now we couldn't go back. Fuck, what was I going to do?

Panic rose in my chest, and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to move. I had to get out of here. My body didn't want to go though, and it was pure torture, carefully extricating myself from my beautiful Sunshine.

I stood beside the bed and stared down at her sleeping form. She looked so perfect, like she belonged there, in my bed. The bed that I'd promised myself I'd never share with a woman again. I'd ruined everything. All because I couldn't keep my hands to myself.

I shoved my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends as I forced myself away from the bed. I threw on some clothes and went to the door, taking one more longing look at Hannah before I slipped out of the room.

*****

I woke up slowly and smiled as memories from the night before immediately came back to me. It'd been incredible—more than incredible. The things Liam had made me feel and the way he'd looked at me...for the first time in my life, I'd felt beautiful. Wanted. Desired. Loved. I'd never even dreamed that someone like Liam could ever want someone like me.

I stretched and let out a satisfied groan at the way my body deliciously ached. What a way to end almost a decade of celibacy. I felt heat pool in my core as I remembered the feel of his mouth on me and then the feel of him pressed deep inside me. I didn't think I'd ever felt so much pleasure in my life.

Getting up, I padded to my own room and threw some clothes on, and then I went downstairs in search of Liam. I wished I could've woken up with him this morning, but the fact that he'd let me sleep in was sweet.