Always Then and Now

Chapter 40

HANNAH

Liam arrived home about twenty minutes after we did. I'd just finished my reheated dinner, and Emily was still working on hers when he came into the room.

"I reheated a plate for you too," I told him quietly without looking at him. The anger that had buoyed me throughout our confrontation in his office had drained out of me on our way home, and now I just felt exhausted.

"Thank you," he said just as quietly as he took his seat on the other side of Emily.

I stood up and picked up my plate. "Well, I'll leave you two to it."

"Wait! You don't have to go," Liam protested, sitting up straighter. He reached out to me, then thought better of it and dropped his hand, looking defeated.

"Yes, I think I do, Liam." My voice was flat, drained of emotion. But I knew that if I stayed, those emotions would flood me again, and I'd end up in tears or worse, confessing my feelings for him and begging him to be with me. I couldn't risk that. Would never risk it again.

I bent down and kissed Emily's cheek. "Goodnight, Sweetheart. Daddy will take care of you."

"G'night!" Emily chirped and blew me a kiss. I smiled lovingly at her and caressed her hair, then turned and headed upstairs without a second look back.

I chewed my lip as I closed the door to my room and sat down in my desk chair. I didn't know how I was supposed to do this. Just seeing him, being near him, made me wish more than anything that we could just be together, and knowing that that couldn't happen tore me apart. God, I hoped I could get over him quickly. I hoped I could get over him, period. I hated feeling this way. I needed to find a space where I could be in the same room as him and not feel the pain searing my heart. I needed it for myself, but I also needed it for Emily. She was young, but eventually, she'd notice that there was tension between her daddy and me, and that wouldn't be good for her development.

*****

The next morning, Liam came downstairs just as I was finishing my breakfast. Emily was still deep in her peanut butter toast, munching happily away.

"Perfect timing," I said, not looking at him as I handed him his coffee. "I need a shower. Can you watch Emily?"

He didn't respond for a long moment, and I snuck a peek at him to find him looking back at me, a deeply saddened look on his face. I looked away again.

"I won't be long; I promise. I'll be back in a few minutes. You'll still be able to get to work on time."

When I glanced at him again, he looked like he wanted to say something, but after a moment, he just sighed. "Of course, Sunshine. Take your time. Do what you need to do."

I nodded and turned away from him, tears springing to my eyes as I walked away. Hearing him call me Sunshine hurt my heart. He'd called me his Sunshine after we'd made love—and that was what it'd been for me; making love—and I wished with everything I had that I could be his.

I did take my time in the shower. Probably too much time. By the time I'd gotten out, dried off, and wrapped myself in the towel, a glance at my watch told me that it was already time for Liam to go to work. Crap. I hadn't meant to take so long. I'd have to hurry through getting dressed. I opened the door to the bathroom—and there he was, Emily in his arms. I let out a gasp of surprise.

He looked just as startled, swallowing hard as his eyes travelled down my body and then back up to meet my own eyes. There was a heat in his gaze that spoke to a sudden corresponding heat pooling in my belly. My mouth suddenly dry, I licked my lips and then blushed when his eyes dropped to watch the movement.