Beautiful Death (Sequel)

O N E

Vivian's POV

It's been 2 months since he left. He left me in this big house, to wallow in sadness. Where did it go so wrong? I had to get a job again. I couldn't go back to 252 Designs.

So I landed at the Dollar General. A complete, dead, reset. I begged, and begged for him to stay. He moved out while I was gone. All I can do is listen to that song over and over again. Is he right?

I want to be someone you used to hate
Without the memory of the pain
I went too far, now we can't restart
It's like we cut the brakes, tore 'em off the car
Ninety miles inside the dark
Familiar scars, and electric hearts

I can't seem to hate him. No matter what he does. We've been through too much for me to do that. I had to put the baby's urn in a box in the spare room. I couldn't bare to stare at it anymore. My mom was right. I should get help. I just can't. I don't want to talk to just anyone. I want to talk to Noah. I want to fix this, whatever happened between us.

What hurts even more, is that he acted like everything was fine until I came back. Sexted with me on the phone and everything. Was still saying "I love you" to me. This doesn't seem like love. He wouldn't have left if he loved me. I wish I could've hurt him more than I did. Could've hurt him physically, the way he's hurt me emotionally.

What am I supposed to do? I work damn near full time hours. I barely get any sleep. My eating habits have gotten terrible. Overall, I'm in bad shape.

Today is one of my days off, and I couldn't be more grateful. I've been working my ass off, to take care of myself. The only bill I have to pay is my phone bill. Noah takes care of everything surrounding the house. To which, I don't understand. I don't see why he left instead of me.

I sit around for most of the day, debating on whether I should go to a gym or not. I have gained about 12 pounds, and I'm ashamed. My only issue is that I dont like going to the gym alone. The only person I really talk to now is Lola, being I work with her. She doesn't know about Noah and I, because I refuse to talk about it to anyone. Not like she has really asked. I decide to face my fears, and head up to the Planet Fitness in my town. I put on a pair of joggers, and a plain Tshirt.

Once I'm at the gym, I walk in and immediately let them know that I want to sign up. "It's one dollar down today, and ten dollars a month!" The women behind the counter turns the tablet to me, to input all my information in. I think I can handle that. Once I'm completely signed up, I sign in and make my way over to the treadmill. Gotta start somewhere right? I set the speed slow, and work my way up. After about an hour in, I'm already pouring in sweat.

I move my way over to the stairmaster, for more cardio. I really don't know what I'm going for here, other than to lose weight. Being I bought the Black Card, I have access to a personal trainer. I might check that out, but at a later date. As I'm doing the stairmaster, I start to feel like I'm being watched by everyone. However, no one is paying me any attention. My anxiety starts to rise more and more, causing me to get off the machine and leave. I couldn't handle my own brain.

I get in my car, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I have never had this much of a problem trying to do something in public. Once I'm calm, I decide to go ahead and go back home. I've done over an hour, and that should be enough for my first day. Although, I slowly start to feel the ache in my legs.

.................

Noah's POV

Work offically sucks. I've been here for years, and they've changed everything. But they refuse to give us more money for more work. That's alright though, because I also have more time to do things that I want to do. Jolly and I have been slowly writing more songs together. We finally got a SoundCloud set up, and we've posted a few of the older songs that we did together. They don't have many views on them, but atleast they're out there.

Ever since that night with Vivian, I've been battling my decision in my head. I didn't want to do that to her, or myself. But it was for the best. We were becoming toxic, and neither of us needed that. I also couldn't bare losing Nick again. He was right. Vivian didn't deserve any of the things I was doing to her.

That night when I took her home, I laid next to her until she passed out. I had texted Jolly while he was waiting outside to let him know that I was doing so. The moment I knew she was asleep, which only took 5 minutes, I turned the light off and left. I know she wanted me to stay with her just one more night, but it was best not to. She had already went 3 days without me, so giving her that one more night would've broke that cycle.

The only times I text Viv, I'm just letting her know things like the house payment was made, or utilities were paid. Folio said that I was stupid for letting her stay in the house, instead of me. But Nick agreed with my decision. It gives her time to get on her feet, and establish herself again.

I finish my terrible day at work, leaving the parking lot to go home. Once I'm out on the highway, I see a car that looks just like Vivian's. Was that her? I can't help but to think to myself. I brush it off, forcing myself to believe that wasn't her. We have yet to see each other since that night as well. Which is a good thing, I guess.

Instead of going straight home, I decide to head over to Frank's house. Frank is the guy we used to get weed from back in the day. I texted him not too long ago and asked him if he still sold, and to no suprise; he does. I've picked the habit back up, which I'm definately not proud of. Who cares, right?

I pull up into the small driveway, and shoot him a text to let him know I'm outside.

Frank - Come on in dude!

I make my way inside, knocking before I open the door as a courtesy. "What's up dude? Here for the same thing?" Frank's energy is high. He tries his hardest to act gangster, but he's really a nice guy. "Yeah, you got some?" I sit down in the chair next to him. "I do, I do. Same amount?" I nod my head, and he gets up to grab the box that he keeps it in. He weighs it out once he's back at the table, putting it into a more respected bag. I hand over the money, and thank him. Sometimes him and I sit to chat, but I wasn't up for it today. To which, it doesn't bother him.

I head home this time, ready for the creative juice to flow once I get this in my system. It actually helps sometimes, sometimes I just come up with stupid shit. Jolly will smoke with me sometimes, but not very often. Maybe I can get him to tonight.

Nick doesn't know I've gone back to this. He would absolutely kill me if he knew. I had a rough patch surrounding this last time, and he made me quit. I pretty much begged Jolly not to mention anything to Nick because I didn't want to deal with that. Once home, I immediately go to smoke, and wait for Jolly to get home. I set up a stream on my computer, deciding to play a couple of games. After getting my ass kicked a few times by other players, and having really stupid debates with some of my followers, I end the stream to check if Jolly is home. Most times, if I'm streaming, he won't come in and bother me.

"How long have you been here, fucker?" I laugh as I notice him sitting at the kitchen table already eating dinner. "I got home about 20 minutes ago." Jolly replies, shoving the take out into his mouth. I take one of the pieces of chicken out of his bowl, eating it. He damn near stabs my hand, and I run away giggling like a little girl.

"You want to smoke tonight?" I ask him. "Nah man, I'm good tonight. I actually have to get to bed early for work tomorrow. They're starting this new training program and I just so happen to be one of the trainers. Which isn't fair." Jolly finishes off his dinner, throwing all the trash back into the bag. I sit down in defeat, wishing we were making something tonight. "Alright man. Hey, I do have a question for you though." Jolly looks up at me, signalling that he is listening,

"Should I check on Vivian? It's been two-"

"No. You told me to stop you from doing anything of that nature when it all happened. So no." Jolly says in an aggressive, but caring tone. "I just want to-" I'm cut off again. "No Noah. No." I sigh, letting my head hang a little. I have had this thought so many times within these two months, but I've only asked Jolly about it this once.

I just hope that shes okay.

A/N:
AHHH the first chapter! Just like CWYWF, this is going to be a slow start. Trust the process, this is more so just background information. It's still relevant, I promise! Thank you all for following and keeping up with this story!