"We may not have won any prizes, but we're walking away like champs."
Carnivals, the place for happiness, love and joy. The place for the thrill of adventure, as you venture into with you companions, ready to enter as a player, and walk our as a win...
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ꗃ﹕❜ Title: 5/5
Very impressive and creative, especially the wordplay with the case of the title. It really does stop you from scrolling further and makes you want to learn more.
ꗃ﹕❜ Cover: 3/5
The cover conveys the sci-fi theme of the story and has an element of simplicity. However, it fails to show the creativity of the author and does not seem very eye-catching at first glance. I would suggest a more futuristic font style and a scale down on "Part:1 Catching Pace". The background choice, however, is excellent.
ꗃ﹕❜ Blurb: 2/5
Although the blurb holds the essence of the work, I would suggest writing the conversation towards the end and without the chat format by keeping the conversation in quotes. That way, the blurb would look more professional.
ꗃ﹕❜ Dawn: 4/10
The dawn is expressive and goes straight to the point without any poetic 'beating around the bush'. Although that is something quite rare to see, I'd suggest making it in a way that arises questions in one's mind. A dawn is what sets the first impressions for the story and the more out of the blue it is, the better.
ꗃ﹕❜ Plot and Word Building: 9/10
I love the idea of this story. It is very original and fascinating and leaches onto the interests of the reader with the exordium itself. The world, or shall I say the Raccoon City as well is very detailed and almost has no flaws, packed with its peculiar past which later comes out, although there needs to be a bit more description of some aspects of the city, but that's pretty much it.
ꗃ﹕❜ Character Building: 8/10
The author did not at all lack in giving their characters a personality. Starting from the very first chapter, readers get to learn a lot about them, which is simply amazing. I do, however, have to say that the side characters might need a bit more depth. For an author, every single one of their characters should be a priority and should have at least some traits to associate with them.
ꗃ﹕❜ Build Up: 7/10
The build-up of this story is very thrilling. The story is well-planned and the author knows what they are doing, but I am not a big fan of the pace. It's fast where details are needed and slow where nothing worthwhile is happening, so this needs a bit of a correction.
ꗃ﹕❜ Vocabulary and Grammar: 6/10
The vocabulary is simple and easy to understand, and the text is grammatically fine. However, sometimes the placement of words seems odd and needs a bit of editing.
ꗃ﹕❜ Style: 3/10
The writing style is descriptive, but at times it tells just a bit too much. The descriptions shall be toned down. The author need not outwardly write every single feeling of a character at a moment, sometimes the actions should be enough to convey just that, or maybe even more. Also, the placement of dialogue may seem odd and vague at times.
ꗃ﹕❜ Overall: 62/100
It has been a while since I've seen such a new concept and honestly, I can't give enough credit to the author for this perfection of a plot. Obviously, there is a big room for improvement but so far I can see the dedication and would hope this never dies down. Would love to read the next part of the story and see what more can be offered by the author's creativity.
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