KOTLC Sokeefe One-Shots, Alternate Endings, etc

Alive: Keefe POV

The endless days of grief were almost unbearable for them as time stretched on.

But the announcement that Foxfire would resume was not a relief, not a welcome distraction from the pain: if anything, it felt completely wrong.

Going to school was difficult—most especially for Keefe, Fitz and Biana, though Keefe could see the toll it was taking on Sophie and Dex's other friends as well. He briefly wondered if he should say something to Marella, who looked particularly downcast, but he just couldn't summon the energy.

He was learning just how exhausting grief was.

Most students and Mentors were subdued—death was so uncommon that it shook even those who didn't actually know Sophie or Dex.

But seeing life go on—seeing people talk and laugh and study—it made him want to scream.

Sometimes, he felt angry that the sun had the audacity to continue to rise each day.

As though the world shouldn't dare to continue on with Sophie dead. And Dex, Keefe chided himself. I may not have known him much, but he deserves to be remembered. Especially since he only died because he'd gone to check on Sophie.

How did humans deal with this so much? Death and loss? How did they just accept it as normal? This was unnatural.

And along with fighting his own grief, Keefe found himself hurting for the Vackers too. He was spending as much time as he could at Everglen—which wasn't that unusual, because he already did that—but it was different now.

He felt like he needed to be with Fitz and Biana so they could endure their grief together.

Sometimes Alden and Della were there, and sometimes they were at Havenfield. Fitz told Keefe that they were trying to comfort the Ruewens and keep them from slipping into seclusion again, but that they seemed to be fighting a losing battle.

"Dad feels awful," Fitz admitted to Keefe one day. "For the same reason I do—we are the ones that brought her here. Honestly if he weren't so focused on keeping Grady and Edaline from letting their feelings of guilt shatter them, I'm not sure he'd be able to avoid those feelings of guilt himself." Fitz paused. "It's hard not to feel guilty," he added quietly.

"Don't," Keefe told him. "I feel guilty sometimes too. I ran into her that day and could tell she was upset and almost followed her home to make sure she was okay. I can't stop thinking about how things may have turned out differently if I'd been there. But I'm having to remind myself that really, none of us had any control over this."

It was true, but he still felt like the world might never be a happy one again.

"You're right. It's just this grief. It makes me think the strangest things. Sometimes..." Fitz sighed. "Sometimes it's like I can still hear her voice. I keep imagining things."

"I get that. I keep seeing her face."

"Me too," Biana said in a dull voice. She sounded like she had a perpetual head cold these days, since she cried so much. But then, she wasn't the only one. "Except I just keep seeing the devastated look on her face after Stina made her think..." Biana let out a little sob and couldn't finish.

Fitz immediately reached for his sister's hand and squeezed it.

Keefe reached out and brushed his fingers against her arm. The guilt and bitter regret were overwhelming.

"Don't," he told her. "We can't lose you too. The only person to blame for that situation is Stina Heks. And as much as I can't stand her, I don't want her feeling guilty either—not that there's much chance of that. She doesn't care."