Crazy Love

Chapter 17

Why do men insist on making things awkward?

JL invited me for lunch after we got our test results back yesterday. As expected, he is the father. He called and suggested we talk over lunch today.

Now here we are and he has not looked me in the eye since I sat down.

In fact, he hasn't really said anything other than "Hi. How are you". This whole meal has been weird and uncomfortable.

"So are we going to ignore the elephant in the room?"

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm still just trying to wrap my head around it." He admits.

"No pressure. We still have a few months to go." I remimd him. Even if the months just seem to be flying by.

"There's a lot to do in those three months. I have to update my insurance, start a trust fund, update my will, research pre-schools and get on a waiting list, sort out a custody agreement, furnish a nursery, read some pregnancy books..."

"Woah, woah, woah, woah. Calm down." How is he already thinking so far ahead while I'm stuck on the day to day?

"I like to be prepared."

"So do I. But even I know you need to take a minute to breathe before you make a plan." He looks like he is just charging forward without allowing any of this to settle.

"The doctor said you're seventeen weeks. I've already lost seventeen weeks. That's time I'll never get back. Time preparing. Time spent with the baby." he looks so upset and I want to make him feel better.

"Then let's start there. I don't have any plans today, do you?" He shakes his head.

"Then you can spend time with me and jellybean."

"Jellybean?"

"Yeah, it's from my first doctor's appointment. She looked like a little jellybean." I admit.

He smiles with a warm but longing look on his face and I realise how much he has missed. He wasn't there for so much. He didn't even get to hear the heart beat.

I vow that I will try to include him on any milestones moving forward.

"How about we finish lunch then go for a walk?"

"That sounds nice."
The rest of our meal is spent in a much less awkward silence before he covers the bill. I'm not gonna fight him on that one.

"How did you find out you were pregnant?" He asks abashedly as we leave the restaurant.

"Morning sickness, late period. The usual." I confess. That was probably the most regular part of all this.

"Is the morning sickness bad?"

"It was for a bit, then I got some meds. I still get a bit nauseous from time to time, but it's no where near as bad." He needs this to not feel so left out.

"Any other problems?"

"Nope. I mean, the no drinking was a bummer, and I was a little down there for a while trying to wrap my head around this, but..."

"Why were you down?"

Is he really asking that?

"Ever since, I graduated college, I had a plan. Work hard and get a good job with room for improvement. Find a guy who loves me as much as my dad loves my mom. Get married by thirty. Have one or two kids after a year. At that point I would be financially secure enough to afford to send them to good schools, but young enough to have the energy to run after them. When they're old enough, we get a dog. That was the plan.